Can You Really Be Friends With Your Ex?

It sounds mature in theory, but staying friends with your ex can keep you stuck in the past instead of helping you move forward.

BY Katie Browne ★ March 13th, 2026

Photo Credit: Milo Wijenayake

Breakups are hard enough. Now add college, and it’s like you’ve been cursed. Running into your ex in the dining hall, the bar, the massive lecture you really didn’t want to go to.

You might think, “Maybe we can just be friends?”. 

With so many connections, staying friends can feel tempting, it may even sound like a good idea. But let’s be honest about this. Can you really be friends with your ex? 

With the exception of rare circumstances—where both people have no lingering feelings and are fully detached from the relationship—staying friends with an ex often causes more harm than good. 

Here’s Why:

The hard truth is that a connection does not just disappear overnight because we’ve called it quits. 

Romantic relationships trigger our brains to release mood-boosting chemicals like dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin. These chemicals, especially present during sex, are why we feel such intense connections to our partners, making breakups feel almost like withdrawal. 

Staying in contact with our ex continues to release small amounts of those chemicals, giving temporary relief, but delaying true healing. 

With that in mind, here are a few situations where being friends with your ex should be off the table:

1. Feelings still exist

If either of you still has romantic feelings, staying friends won’t work. Remaining close when feelings are still present can lead to getting back together too soon. Most relationships end for a reason. Getting back together without some time apart will leave you with the same problems—plus more pain. Distance from each other allows you to grow independently before considering getting back together

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1. Anxious attachment style 

Anxious attachment can feel exhausting enough within a relationship, let alone when you’re trying to be friends after it ends. Anxious attachment style is typically characterized by craving emotional closeness while simultaneously fearing abandonment. It makes it difficult to feel secure and settled within a relationship.  

If you have an anxious attachment style, staying friends can give you a false sense of hope. Keeping contact can fuel thoughts of you getting back together. When this ends up not being the case, you feel abandonment all over again. If this sounds like you, distance is likely necessary.

1. One person has moved on and the other has not

Friendship becomes more painful when feelings are one-sided . It may feel manageable at first. But when your ex starts seeing other people, it’ll cut just as deep, if not worse, as when the breakup initially happened. 

Even though your ex might not technically be doing anything wrong, it still hurts. It’s hard to recognize your own worth and not compare yourself to new people when you feel replaced. Protecting your peace usually translates to taking a step away. 

We've established that staying friends isn’t always the answer. So how are you supposed to move on? It can feel impossible to go cold turkey on someone who was your closest friend and support system. 

Instead of seeking contact for comfort, this is a time to redirect your energy back to yourself. I know it’s cliche. But cliches are cliches for a reason. 

Putting energy back into yourself is easier said than done. Here are a few ways to start:

1. Find one hobby/activity to focus on

Distracting yourself with too many things at once will overwhelm you. Pick one hobby or activity to stick to. This will give you something new to focus on that is yours alone. Not something that will remind you of your ex, but something you can identify with. Physical activity is always a good one, such as running, walking or yoga. 

1. Practice Self-Care 

Prioritize self-care routines. Whether it’s new skincare, journaling or mindfulness, these habits will help you feel refreshed and cared for at the end of the day. 

1. Lean on your friends

The hardest part about a breakup is feeling suddenly alone. This is when your girlfriends matter most. Use new free time to strengthen your relationships with your friends. Go on cute coffee dates, movie nights and shopping trips. Remember that even though you don’t have a boyfriend, you are far from alone. 

Breakups are never easy. Let's not complicate them more by being friends with our exes. Sometimes the hardest, but most healing, thing you can do is take some distance and find peace on your own.

Edited by: Anna Altman