The Closure Scam
Understanding the “why” doesn’t change the fact that it happened.
BY Anna Boling ★ October 22nd, 2025
Design by: Christina Liguori
“I just want to know why he did it.”
We’ve all heard this sentence a hundred times. Maybe from a friend, maybe from ourselves. And trust me, it’s natural to want to know why someone did something. But somewhere along the way, we started talking about closure as if it’s a finish line; it is something we cross once we’re finally “over it.”
College culture thrives on beginnings and endings – semesters, internships, relationships, even apartment leases – everything has a timeline and an expiration date. So when a relationship ends without warning or your situationship just starts ignoring you, it’s natural to want answers. You want to tie the story up neatly, wrap it in a bow, and move on. But that need for neatness, that obsession with the why, is exactly what prevents you from moving forward.
Whether it’s the end of a relationship, a messy goodbye to a situationship, or a falling out with a friend, we’re taught to seek closure like it’s a cure. We crave to understand the why. The truth is, the why doesn’t matter. They still said what they said and they still did what they did. Closure isn’t something you can easily find, and it’s definitely not something someone else can give you. Most times, chasing that closure just keeps you stuck.
If we’re being honest, “I need closure” is often just an excuse for one more conversation. I’ve done it too – convinced myself that if I just talked to him one more time, I’d finally understand and move on. But let’s be real, the “closure” you think you need is often just a reason to reach out again, to see if you can squirm your way back in, to try and fix something you probably didn’t break. And truthfully, the closure conversation rarely helps, especially if you’re having it with a college guy. Let’s face it, half the time they don’t even understand why they acted the way they did.
Not everyone can give you the explanation you deserve. And knowing why something happened won’t change the fact that it did. Waiting for closure keeps you replaying old conversations, stalking their socials, calling them after one too many vodka sodas and drafting texts you’ll (hopefully) never send – all in the name of “understanding.” But tell me… why look for comfort in the same person who hurt you?
Closure is a scam that convinces you that your healing depends on someone else’s honesty. It doesn’t. You don’t need their permission to feel okay. You don’t need their words to move on. Real closure is accepting what happened and realizing that some things will never make sense and that that's okay.
The person who caused the hurt cannot help you heal. The truth is, the closure is in your hands – and there’s comfort in that power.
Edited by: Anna Altman