Born to Die in Love

Why we confuse chaos for connection — and how to stop romanticizing heartbreak.

BY Chloe Francis ★ October 27th, 2025

Photo Credit: Chloe Francis

Why is heartbreak so much more addictive than a happily ever after? Why do walking red flags have such a hold over some of us? The guy who’s not kind, not respectful, and doesn’t even know where the clit is somehow becomes the one we wait up for.

The bad boy archetype is timeless — mysterious, tattooed, emotionally unavailable. Our friends tell us the truth: he’s not good enough for you. But when you’re with him, it feels different. He’s charming in a messy, dangerous kind of way. Even the smell of cigarettes feels intoxicating at first.

That anxious flutter he gives you isn’t chemistry — it’s adrenaline. When he goes silent, your stomach twists. You reread your last text, wondering what you said wrong. And when he finally replies, the flood of relief hits hard. It feels like love, but it’s really a cycle of craving and reward.

Like Lana Del Rey’s lyrics, we sometimes romanticize the heartbreak that’s quietly breaking us. We think there’s something beautiful about being destroyed by love — as if suffering makes us deeper or more desirable. But in reality, the constant uncertainty isn’t romantic. It’s draining.

Because here’s the truth: real love shouldn’t make you anxious. You don’t need to be someone’s emotional project or wait for a text to prove you matter. The thrill will fade, and when it does, you’ll see him for what he is — not a mystery, just another guy who mistook attention for affection.

Heartbreak can teach us something powerful, though. It reminds us that we’re capable of feeling deeply. The trick is learning to give that depth to someone who can actually hold it — someone who makes love feel peaceful, not painful.

Edited by: Anna Altman