Finding Yourself After a Breakup
This time, fall in love with life.
by WAVERLY BRANNIGAN ★ SEPTEMBER 17, 2023
I’m not going to sugarcoat it– breakups are undoubtedly one of the worst things someone can go through. It’s no secret that suddenly losing someone you love can be shocking and debilitating, and while it’s okay to wallow, the next step is finding the bright side. Sounds impossible, right? But, if you ever find yourself in this situation, there’s nothing you can do except push forward with your life.
The initial stages of a breakup are truly some of the hardest days to live through. However, after plenty of tearstained pillows, Ben and Jerry’s pints of ice cream, and days of ranting to your mom, it’s crucial to start picking up the pieces of your heart.
While this may seem easier said than done, you’ll thank yourself later. The first step is to remember who you are, as an individual. Being in a relationship for so long, you can begin to mesh parts of yourself with your significant other. Maybe you stopped going on nature walks because it wasn’t their thing, or you put that one show you wanted to watch on hold to watch a more action-packed movie. Luckily for you, now you’re the one calling the shots.
Start by peeling yourself out of bed, and actually getting ready. Do your skincare routine, and throw on some makeup for the fun of it. Then, put on a cute outfit and take yourself out on a date. You might feel a bit silly at first, but you’ll begin to have fun with it. Order takeout from your favorite restaurant, and drive to watch the sunset or go on a shopping spree.
Once you start the simple task of taking care of yourself, you have to re-learn what exactly it means to be you. For so long now you’ve had a shoulder to lean on, but the reality of the situation is that at the end of the day, you’re all you’ve got. This isn’t such a bad thing. Now is the time to truly reach into the depths of your feelings. You can journal, make yourself a playlist, run six miles, blast your favorite song with the windows down, and start feeling at home with your own company. Rediscover your hobbies, and throw yourself into them. Even working 40 hours a week at your job can provide a health distraction, and plenty of cash to reward yourself with a much-deserved present.
After you’ve begun to come to terms with the new conditions of your life, find your people. I cannot emphasize this enough. Building new relationships, or restructuring old ones after a breakup can be eye opening, especially if the people you have can help draw you out of your shell. Start to gravitate towards people who make each day that passes shamelessly fun. Of course, you can talk to these people about what you’re going through, and take their advice and insights. You’ll quickly find that with new people to surround yourself with, time begins to pass quicker, and suddenly you’re healing.
Healing is a funny concept, because it looks different for everybody– and this is okay. Even after taking time to work on yourself, you can still wake up sad one morning, missing what you had. Finding yourself isn’t a linear process. It’s filled with bumps along the road and plenty of tight-lipped smiles as you have to explain to that acquaintance that you ran into that you’re actually single, now. Soon enough, the pain won’t feel as fresh.
One of the most important things to work on after all of this is making peace. You’ve started to reacquaint yourself with the things and people you love, with the fresh perspective of being alone. Making peace with your situation may be one of the most daunting tasks of all, but incredibly freeing. This comes with letting go, not necessarily moving on. While moving on is a step in the right direction, everyone’s feelings come and go at their own pace. Even still, you have to stop finding something to blame. People can grow apart, and that’s no one’s fault. Look at all the amazing ways you’ve grown and your life has changed, and it’ll become clear that things are getting better.
The universe has so many good things in store for you. Remember that you’re beautiful, smart, confident, and talented, and everything someone could ever want. Breakups, unfortunately, are a part of life– but they have a wonderful silver lining. You have the unique opportunity to fall in love with life, and get to know yourself in a new way. Plus, all this change and growth can open the door to so many new, and even old, opportunities. There’s nothing more attractive than someone who can take a bad situation and make the most of it. Life’s a beautiful thing, and change doesn’t have to be scary. Embrace who you truly are, take time for yourself, and watch all the good you’ll begin to attract.