Respect and Attraction Can (and Should) Co-Exist

design: Revati Mahurkar

It’s time we stopped putting up with men demeaning us to disguise their attraction.

by DAYNA ROBERTS ★ SEPTEMBER 14, 2023

Respect in a relationship is something you usually think of as a given, but it sometimes has to be begged for. Certain men have a tendency to demean women when they are attracted to them, and we’re here to say that you should not put up with that kind of treatment, no matter how much you think you love him (trust us, you don’t). 

“If he’s mean to you it means he likes you,” is a phrase all women have heard since we were old enough to walk and all collectively sigh when we think of. That kind of thinking is what needs to be eliminated if we want to not only support ourselves in finding healthy relationships where we are respected, but also help others do the same.

We’ve all seen friends fall for a guy that leaves them feeling drained, self conscious, and closed off. It’s as if the insecurity some men feel is projected onto the woman in the relationship, so they can dehumanize them enough to make themselves feel worthy. It has never and will never be okay to be treated like this.

Now, sane people hearing the idea of degrading someone you are attracted to think “why would anyone do that?” The sad truth is that we live in a society where we as women are already taught to think less of ourselves, and some men take advantage of that in order to keep us under their thumbs or to make themselves feel as if they have a chance with us. Even celebrities fall victim to the bottomless pit of men’s “admiration” disguised as degradation.

Take Taylor Swift and Kanye for example- he consistently put her down and tried to ruin her entire career and then put out a lyric that said “I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex.” How horrible is it for him to not only bash her as an artist, but then degrade her so viscerally. Or, more recently, think of Margot Robbie and Florence Pugh, who were in the hit movies Barbie and Oppenheimer. Both of these wonderful women have been bashed and called “average” by men who we all know probably have a poster of Harley Quinn on their wall. 
Instead of putting up with this dehumanizing behavior or letting it get to you, make sure to go into every day valuing you, because if you uphold respect towards yourself, there is no way you will take disrespect from others. If it’s your boyfriend, a stranger, or a comment you overhear- don’t let men make you seem less than everything that you are for their own ego’s sake.

What we are trying to say is, there are always going to be men who taunt and demean you in order to make themselves feel as if they can have you. Even if you are literally The Taylor Swift, some insecure loser will try to put you down. Trust us when we say you can and will do better than them. Respect should be given in a relationship.