Rediscovering Romance in Sex
Just me…make love to me.
by ALEXANDRIA FABRIZI ★ MARCH 2, 2023
The world is inundated with hopeless romantics; it's a bestselling category in books for a reason. There are so many of us out there, searching for true emotion and passion that we just cannot seem to find in our sex lives. Whether you are in a relationship or just riding solo, there are ways to romanticize your sexual encounters in life—encounters that include the passion and romance that you have been longing for during sex.
If you are tired of taking forever to finish (or maybe not even at all) or want to feel something more during sex, don’t give up just yet. It seems out of reach, especially because reality seems like it never truly matches the love stories captured in movies. If you’re trying to rediscover or simply discover this intimacy, here’s how to manifest your casual sex into the more romantic lovemaking you are looking for:
#1: Let’s talk about sex… and during it too
It’s important to reframe the very way you view sex. If you think of sex as “fucking” rather than “having sex,” you are reinforcing the removal of the idea of love that you are desiring from the interaction. It adds a dispassionate tone to a romantic connection that is more graceful than the word “fuck” allows it to be. This change in communication is important not only regarding the topic of sex but also while engaging in it. Making love is emotional and can establish a deeper connection. Talking to your partner, a one-night stand, or your regular hookup during sex will add to the romance. Tell that person how they make you feel at that moment. This may be uncomfortable at first, but even just a few words will help you feel more connected. If you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you invite trust and a truer connection, which will help you find that deeper bond within the romance of sex.
#2: Eye contact
It’s everything. Looking into the other person’s eyes can change that moment in its entirety. You become more attentive to each other. You become seen and respected. Eye contact communicates respect as you are letting the other person know you are present in that moment and focused on them. This enhances the closeness and chemistry between the two of you. And trust me, a person’s eyes say everything their lips cannot. If you are feeling shy or too awkward to level up your communication during sex, then express your emotions with your eyes. Look at the other person deeply but directly. Look at them softly and comfortably, and they will know how you feel.
#3: Touch: keep it slow and sensual
Romantic sex needs not only emotional but physical passion. Obviously, sex involves touching. But is it rough? Rare? Random? To achieve truly romantic sex, touch gently, often, and intentionally. Touch their body in places that show care rather than just a response to arousal. Slowly run your fingers down their chest or through their hair. Sensually kiss their neck or take hold of their hand. These small movements during sex allow you to acknowledge the nonsexual but just as beautiful and important parts of the human body. Sex can be a full-body and fully romantic experience.
#4: Set the mood where you’re comfortable
To keep it romantic and intimate, have sex somewhere comfortable and, most importantly, private. Comfort will allow you to be calm and confident. Privacy allows for the true connection to take place, for the sex to be authentically romantic, uninterrupted by anyone or thing. This could mean taking it to a place that's random and unexpected, purely fueled by your attraction to each other, which can be just as stimulating.
In manifesting your hopeless romantic persona and desire for romance within sex, it’s important to stay true to your wants and needs. This is vital to be able to change the sex you're having into the passionate lovemaking that you’re searching for. Stay confident and curious, as this is a process of self-learning and discovery. And you might just end up finding yourself connecting more intimately with your inner emotions and sexuality while romanticizing your sex life.