Why I’m a Sucker for Love
And why it’s okay to search for it.
by HANNAH KARLIN ★ DECEMBER 5, 2022
To love someone to the point where you physically cannot handle it—to when the single touch of a finger generates an electric shockwave throughout your entire existence. This doesn’t make you vulnerable or bluntly stated, pathetic (even when it feels like so), it solely describes the desire to experience what life is about—the potential to feel so alive that every part of you suddenly feels _______.
Yes, there needs to be a blank space there. A blank space to represent the feeling that decades of writers' have been unable to put into words. One would think it shouldn't be that hard, but because of its rarity, it is.
I have said, "I love you." And at the time I genuinely believed it. However, did I feel the paralyzing shockwaves that sent me into a trance? Well, when you put it like that… no.
And that's why I am a sucker for it all—the songs, the poetry, the stories, the love. Because until I experience that feeling, I will be searching for it. I will travel as long as I need to until I can reach my destination.
That's why college is so hard for us searchers. It's filled with an endless journey of interaction without genuine purpose. A touch with someone who has zero attraction to your values and personality. A conversation with someone who could care less what you’re saying. Formal invitations out of convenience rather than desire. A three-second image as a first impression. And even more hardship comes when we explain this to people who aren’t hopeless romantics—people who will compare our intentions to ones of marital obligation. Then we must reiterate that no, we are not looking for marriage or even a relationship but just someone who cares. It's a natural human instinct—to surround ourselves with people who look at us equally, if not more; people who look at us, past our skin and aesthetics and into our hearts, our quirks, and our souls.
Why do we think and act like this, one may ask? Well, to get anywhere close to the all-consuming force of love, we must start with some sense of thoughtfulness. Hookup culture has become a learned fact and the norm. At this stage in our society, our potential romantic partners aren't walking up to us and asking for dinner plans… they are asking you “WYD?” at 1 am on a Friday night. So, we have been conditioned to search for at least a little bit more than this.
And, yes, as our mothers would say, we have time. A lifetime to learn what makes us feel good and what doesn’t—to experience, to fall madly in love, and to hurt so bad it feels like the world is ending. Our mothers would tell us that this pain and perseverance are part of life—part of a lifetime that surpasses far beyond our young twenty years. It's a complicated experience that differs from the Disney fairytales we watched when we were children. And while we must consider their words, it's hard to wait and remain in the unknown as we see others in this trance.
I have never been too fond of waiting for anything, but this one takes the cake.
So in the meantime, what we can do is continue to fall in love with ourselves—and our imperfections—with the passion we fall (or at least, hope to) for others. We can continue to give love to those who we share blood or a familial bond with—to those who have dried our tears and stood by us through each and every day. But, remain on this continuous search—this search that is not "crazy" or "pointless" but that will allow us to finally, one day feel the _______.