The Red and Green Flags to Look for in a Relationship
Why is dating a literal car race?
by ELLA RAY ★ NOVEMBER 14, 2022
Dating can oftentimes be an up-and-down roller coaster. From an array of awful dates or hookups to thinking you're in love with a guy only to find out it was a masquerade the whole time, finding your perfect match is a windy road. Let us help you in your dating journey and guide you through a few things to avoid and look out for to make your ride a little less bumpy.
GREEN FLAGS:
#1 They make time for you
Nothing says “green flag” like a guy who makes time for you. They make plans, text you back, and are actively making it seem like they're actually interested in you… it almost seems too good to be true.
#2 Open communication
They're just not shady. Let’s face it, being in a relationship especially surrounded by college hookup culture can be difficult. Keeping communication honest and clear can eliminate confusion and makes trusting your significant other so much easier. There is no need for overthinking and reading between the lines.
#3 They respect boundaries
It’s okay to be comfortable with different things than your partner is. Boundaries establish what you’re comfortable with sexually, socially, and mentally. It’s important your partner respects that your comfort zone may be slightly different than theirs.
#4 They prioritize kindness
I know some people are into that douchebag type of vibe but speaking from experience… that gets old, very fast. Being with someone who's actually nice is such a nice breath of fresh air even if you think that's not ‘your type.’ So drop the “I love douchebags” attitude because I think it's about time that nice guys finish first.
RED FLAGS:
#1 They’re controlling and/or possessive
If they are trying to control certain aspects of who you are, start running now. This is a time in our lives when we’re constantly growing and changing. We should be allowed to do so freely and not feel restricted by someone else. College is supposed to be about meeting new people, wearing whatever you want, and doing whatever you want. Having someone in your ear 24/7 telling you what you should or shouldn't do is exhausting and it's just not worth it.
#2 There is no trust
Your significant other should be someone you rely on and can be vulnerable with. Without trust in a relationship, neither of those things is possible. It's not fun to be in a relationship where you have to question if your partner is telling the truth ALL the time.
#3 They strip away your self-esteem
They just make you feel bad about yourself. Whether it's your appearance or your personality, if someone makes you feel bad about yourself when you're doing nothing wrong, tell them to G.T.F.O. Your partner should always be making you a better version of yourself, not making you feel worse. If I don’t like me better when I’m with you… I’m not with you.
#4 You keep waiting for them to change
Spoiler alert: they're not going to change. I know they keep promising you that they are and “they’re just going through a really hard time right now,” but let’s face it, they are not going to change, no matter how many times you fall for the same line. I’m here to tell you that it's not worth it. You're better off not wasting your time—start moving on.
While this is no master list of infinite red and green flags, these eight starters will help you thrive in healthy relationships, and avoid toxic ones.