The Horrifying “What If’s”
You can’t change what you can’t control.
by HANNAH KARLIN ★ JULY 31, 2022
What if I bought the other dress? What if I had not been so nervous on the date? What if I managed my Saturday studying better? What if I had been a bit more friendly towards that girl in class? What if I tried harder in high school? What if I picked the wrong college? What if I self-sabotage everything? What if next year is filled with misfortune?
It's always the "what if's." The thoughts that consume our minds, send us into a spiral. From questioning minuscule encounters to significant decisions, it's a never-ending cycle. We second guess ourselves to the point where confidence seems nonexistent.
These thoughts are incredibly toxic—yes, more toxic than your first semester freshman year situationship. They make us hyper-fixate on the past and future, which is entirely out of our control.
They paralyze us with unsettling uncertainty and a rampant sense of disappointment. It's difficult to move forward and reach our potential when this mindset persists. And, it's almost impossible to feel like the powerful women we are.
It's the fear of the mistakes that we’ve been conditioned to avoid. We fear that we did the wrong thing or will do the wrong thing. But what is truly considered a mistake? Well, what happened is probably less severe than the explosion in your mind. There are a million ways to approach things, and people think differently. If you truly consider your choice or experience a mistake, then keep this in mind: a mistake isn't a mistake until you have made it twice. Take a step back from the situation and look at it with a clear lens. It's really not as bad as you think.
Whether you experience these thoughts daily or occasionally, there are ways to rise above them. There is a way to control the explosion.
First, focus on the present and live in the now. What happened or what you think will happen doesn't matter. Recognize that all you can do is conquer what's in front of you. That party already happened—have confidence in your actions and move on. The big presentation is in a few days—prepare to the best of your ability, as that's all you can do. It's time to stop creating trainwrecks after or before they even have to chance to occur. We generate the crash in our minds, but the car hasn’t even gone off the road yet.
Another tactic to rise above is challenging the thought. No matter how hard we try, sometimes this thinking comes naturally. However, what we can do is alter the thought upon arrival. Let's try this with the, "What if I picked the wrong major." Change this to saying, "I picked this major and had a learning experience from it. I can't change that. What I can do is switch it and develop new skills while maintaining the things I have previously learned." That’s called bitch-slapping the negativity away and maturely dealing with life.
It's time to be grateful for what we have and not only proud of our choices but proud of ourselves. We can't keep viewing ourselves in the wrong. We are all growing and learning each day through each experience and each choice.
Cover Photo Credit: Pinterest