Normalize Being Friends with Your Ex
Losing your significant other doesn’t mean you have to lose your best friend.
by KATIE HILL ★ JANUARY 31, 2022
Let me just start by saying, I know this topic is controversial and my haters are already tweaking, but give what I am about to say some thought because it could make you a lot happier… really.
So, me and my ex-boyfriend (let’s call him, Shelton) broke up in September of 2021 after dating for a little over a year and a half. Yes, we go to different schools and yes, we were doing long-distance. But honestly, that’s not why our relationship came to an end. We had also done long-distance our entire freshman year and things were totally fine (well for the most part).
For some reason, when I left for the start of my sophomore year, something had changed. We were barely Facetiming, talking about our days in snippets (so it didn’t seem like we were completely ignoring each other), and being rude to each other when we did talk. Things were coming to an end, and we both knew it.
Saturday, September 18th, I sat in the Haven Study Lounge and mutually broke up with my boyfriend over Facetime while everyone else was at a darty. We both cried, and some other girl in the lounge definitely saw the stream of tears, but whatever.
I’m not here to tell you about my relationship, though. What I am here to tell you is that mutual, uncomplicated breakups do exist. Of course, we went through the usual routine. We discussed who was archiving which Instagram posts and which captions were going to be deleted. But, breaking up with your significant other doesn’t mean they have to exit your life completely.
Credit: Pinterest
Now, I know I’m making this seem super easy, but let me tell you it was FAR from it. We had spent close to the past two years sharing absolutely everything with each other, and breaking up over Facetime definitely didn’t help. But another thing we discussed before the Instagram dilemma was that we were absolutely going to remain friends. We agreed that anything we wanted to share with the other, no matter how insignificant, should always be shared. Maybe we had fallen out of love, but we definitely still cared about each other, and we still do. I share things with him such as getting a PR at the gym, eating my mom’s steak for dinner, or getting an interview for a job.
Coming home from college this Thanksgiving break, we started our first tradition as just friends. We decided that once every break we would take turns picking each other up, park in our high school parking lot, and catch up. Yes, I know what you’re thinking. High school parking lots are for hooking up, but no. We unbuckled, got comfortable, and talked about whatever we wanted.
At first, I must admit meeting up with him like this after not seeing him since we had been together confused me. Especially during the first car chat we had after breaking up, I had many doubts if maybe breaking up wasn’t the right thing. But the more times we met up, and the more completely platonic texts I would sometimes receive, the more I knew that we were exactly where we needed to be.
I think I can speak for both of us when I say a part of us will always love and care for each other. We will always want to know what’s going on in each other’s lives and that’s OKAY. Just because most breakups you see online or around you end badly doesn’t mean they always do. And just because most ex’s don’t meet up for car chats over breaks doesn’t mean you can’t.
The most important thing to remember after going through a breakup is that you went through it, not your best friend, nor your mom. Only you and your ex-significant other know how you're feeling and know what you need to move on with your life. Me and Shelton’s car chats allow our amazing and supportive friendship to continue, but they also leave us enough room to grow apart.
It IS possible for exes to be friends, but it’s also possible that not all relationships will end as smoothly as mine. Do what you gotta do, but always keep in mind, the loss of a significant other does not necessarily mean the loss of a best friend.
Cover Photo Credit: Pinterest