20 Things I Learned at 20
An ode to being young and dumb.
by BECCA CARR ★ APRIL 3, 2023
1. Be proud of yourself
Yes, imposter syndrome, I’m talking to you. Especially as women, we are more likely to talk down to ourselves and think that we are never doing enough and it’s exhausting. It has been a process for me to stop being anxious about the future and instead be grateful for the present and understand that my past actions and efforts have rewarded me with opportunities.
2. Understand that everyone is flawed
No one is a good person all the time. We all have our weak moments and it’s important to understand that our friends, family, and romantic partners are not perfect and that you can work together to become a somewhat better person and understand that we all f*ck up and that it doesn’t hurt to forgive.
3. Be a good person even when it’s hard
Following the previous point, being a good person when it is inconvenient for us can be incredibly hard, and we should feel comfortable admitting this. Although we may always want to do whatever we want, it’s important to understand others through their lens and realize it can be exhausting to be a good person at times.
4. Your dream jobs are actually not that unrealistic
Not being afraid of my ambition has become my biggest strength since college because it has been the most rewarding experience to not always get what I want, but pivoting to opportunities that have been more fulfilling and not feeling as small as I used to feel.
5. Genuine friendships >>>
We all have the friends we only go out with and the friends that we call when our life is a sh*t storm and know they are going to be there to support us. As someone who is still in touch with their childhood friends since I was 4, I have learned to not settle for ingenuine relationships. I always reflect on the big friend groups I used to be a part of and how it left me feeling drained and often unclear about where I stood. I won’t settle for less and I want the best of both worlds when it comes to my friends that are fun but also are there to wipe my tears when I need them.
6. Understand others even when you don’t want to understand them
This has definitely been the hardest for me to learn. Even when we don’t agree with people, we have to give everyone a fair chance to explain their side of the story and even agree that they are right…even when we hate to admit it.
7. You could always have more fun
Being 20 is a scary time in our lives. Many of us are halfway through college and we are navigating making big decisions with very little experience. Everything seems fresh and new, which leads to many obstacles. Although, this is a time of being gritty and glamorous– always know that time is of the essence and having fun can be a way to be productive and creative with friends even when it might seem like a distraction at times.
8. Accept rejection
Rejection is complicated. Often, it burns, but sometimes it can be relieving and lead to the pivot of a lifetime where we realize we need to change direction. It's okay for our dreams to change.
9. It’s okay to miss the people we used to be
Maturing is sometimes about letting go of pieces of ourselves that we may miss. I always miss how open and trusting I used to be, but often it led me down scary paths that have brought me to toxic friendships and situations I did not want to be in. Creating boundaries is hard, but it is a way to give ourselves respect and form greater relationships when we are also respected.
10. Blame your faults by saying “I’m literally just a girl!”
That’s the whole tweet.
11. If you don’t like something, change it
Change is scary and that’s why we love to avoid it. But, sometimes we have to put our big girl pants on and realize that we deserve better and the only way we can get better is by leaving or changing aspects of our lives.
12. Social media isn’t real!
Post that picture that you think is cool and turn the likes off! If people judge you, they are literally the lamest.
13. Invest your money in traveling and experiences
I never regret spending money on a trip or going out with friends. Although I’m someone who has to financially plan ahead, I always make room in my budget to spend time with my friends and plan semi-spontaneous trips because we can’t buy time back with our friends.
14. I don’t have to accomplish everything right now
LinkedIn can be our worst enemy sometimes. It makes us believe that everyone else has their shit together and that we don’t; when in reality, no one knows what they’re doing.
15. Flex on your enemies through LinkedIn
I know I said LinkedIn is the worst, but nothing says revenge like updating LinkedIn with the internship acceptance announcement or getting a new position that you love.
16. Being delusional>>>
I love to live in my own little world. Sometimes making sh*t up is the best thing we can do for ourselves. Every day I live through the delusion that everything is going to work out, even when it doesn’t and to not let others affect me too much. Sometimes being delusional is self-care.
17. Be open to love
Love is TERRIFYING. As someone who hates to be open with their emotions, being in a romantic relationship has been one of the hardest yet rewarding experiences in my life. It has taught me both the good and bad about myself and my partner and how to resolve a conflict even when I HATE to be the confrontational one.
18. Bad relationships have extreme highs and lows
My worst friendships have always been the ones where we love each other one day and then hate each other the next. It’s usually the people we party and fight with the most, and it can often be confusing to realize that these friendships are actually bad for you.
19. People may not remember what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel
Who cares about the titles we have? It only means something if we impact the way others feel. Yet again, being a good person can be really hard sometimes, and as someone who came from a dysfunctional background, I always remember that there are things about people that I don’t know and may never know. I would hate to be the person that ruins someone’s day just because I didn’t put in the effort to be empathetic.
20. You’ll never be 20 again
As the classic speech goes, we have to go out because we will never be this young and hot again with no real responsibilities. 20 is for living and making mistakes and then learning from them and developing our values and experiences. We’re going to mess up, why not have fun while we do it?