Why Obsessing Over Boys Should Be the Last of Your Worries Freshman Year
Time to raise your standards!
by KATE JACKSON ★ MARCH 23, 2023
As a second-semester freshman, I have had plenty of experience with freshman boys. I had high expectations going into college, and I was determined to find a boyfriend. I also imagined all boys in college were perfect and insanely mature compared to high school. News flash: nothing changed. Still, I had high hopes. It didn't matter if I was in some sweaty frat basement or walking to class; I was going to find the boy I would spend my next four years with. Clearly, that never happened. But, due to my focus on boys at the beginning of the year, I missed out on some pretty great opportunities.
I realize that going into college, it can seem like your whole world revolves around boys, but that's not necessarily what you should focus on. Being a freshman is your time to figure out who you are as a person. You get to make connections with people and find your interests and passions. So here are a couple of reasons why you should definitely not get a boyfriend right away:
#1. You need time to develop a routine.
It might not seem that important now, but developing a consistent and healthy work routine is so helpful at college. College life is not nearly as structured as high school, and you have much more free time outside of classes. Organizing that time with homework, studying, extracurriculars, clubs, sports, and other activities can be stressful and may take time, but it's part of the freedom and independence of college. You should spend your extra time carefully based on your workload and commitments, not somebody else's. It can be exhausting figuring out how to effectively study for classes and keep track of work in a way that works best for you. And once you add extracurriculars, sports, and clubs, it’s near impossible. However, part of freshman year—as stressful as it is—is figuring out your own process and what works best for you. You don’t need a boyfriend to do that.
#2. Friends are forever. Boyfriends are temporary.
Obviously, studying may not be your biggest priority as an incoming college student. You, like me, might be much more interested in the social scene, which is honestly just as important. But that’s when you need your friends by your side. In some instances, the friends made in your initial semesters at college are the ones you stay close with for years. Freshman year is the time to make friends, whether that means a couple of close ones or a large group. The friendships you make in college will always be more important than any guy ever (obviously). I encourage everyone to never prioritize a guy over their friends because, more times than not, it’s simply not worth it. Especially freshman year, when most guys are either way too busy rushing a frat or simply don’t actually care about you. Obviously, there are exceptions to this rule. My hometown best friend started dating someone the summer before college, and now they are managing long-distance and doing great. That being said, the opportunity to make friends you can trust and rely on is so much more valuable than a freshman-year fling or any situationships. There is still time for those things in college, but they shouldn’t be the main focus early on.
#3. College is the time to find YOURSELF.
Along with the friends you find, freshman year is also the time to find yourself—it’s the time to branch out and separate yourself from your hometown or high school. With all the opportunities and possibilities college offers, it is so easy to discover what your personal interests are. Going into freshman year is when you figure out where you fit on campus. That may be in a drama club or maybe in a sorority. You may focus predominantly on your studies and hanging out in the library. Or, you may be having the time of your life partying every night. Maybe you want to do a little bit of everything. The whole point is: you can! You can do whatever you want before you get a boyfriend who you spend all your time with.
So, don’t let that guy take up all your time and energy. Take advantage of your freshman year. Focus on finding friends who will stick with you throughout your time at college and beyond. Don’t be the girl who gets so hung up on a boy and then realizes halfway through the year that they have put no time into making friends of their own or finding their interests. You are better than that. One of the most amazing things about college is you get to pave a way for yourself and your own individual pursuits, not those you share with your boyfriend or significant other. Once you dedicate time to building friendships and establishing your interests, you will be in a much better position to start a relationship if you choose to do so.