How to Deal with Fading Friendships

Because change is inevitable.

by HANNAH KARLIN ★ JUNE 28, 2022

As the spring semester came to a close and we traveled home for summer break, we not only traded in our heavy coats for bikinis but traded the company of our college friends for our friends from home. The hometown friends are those we played on the playground with at age seven, took cringy, metal-mouth selfies at age thirteen, aimlessly drove around with the freedom of our new licenses at age sixteen, and cried with on the night of high school graduation at age eighteen. The home-friend bond is so special that even our newfound friendships can't compare. 

Still, friendship is not so simple. Prior friendships can dissipate even with the most wholesome memories and enduring love. The culprit, in this case, is solely the difference in lifestyle and distance. You aren't going to the same after-school activities, talking about the same boys, studying the same content, and so on. Honestly, the fact that you can't drive to their house at one in the morning to rant further solidifies the difference.

There are multiple ways to deal with and avoid fading friendships. The bond between the two girls who nervously walked into high school together is not gone. It just simply needs to be rekindled. It’s difficult to look at somebody you’ve known for your entire life and feel like they don’t even know you anymore, so here are some tips and tricks to avoid feeling disconnected from the friends who loved you even in your pink Converse and flower crown phase.

Credit: Pinterest

#1: Maintain Strong Communication during the School Year

Communication is key. Although you may be on opposite sides of the country, that phone call once a week makes all the difference. Yes, college is hectic, but you can find time to talk, whether walking to class, sitting in the student center, or right before bed. Listening to each other's experiences maintains that connection. Even a few texts such as "how's your day going" or "good luck on your test" truly show your continued love and care for the other. 

#2: Partake in Plans that Work for Both of You

Just because you are both home from college doesn't mean that you are magically thirteen and care-free again. You now have time-consuming jobs, summer classes, and internships. Do activities that allow you to see each other but also work for your schedules. You can sit at a quaint coffee shop and do work for the afternoon or go on a walk to get some exercise before your shifts. As much as we love a glamorous city day or a weekend in the Hamptons, sometimes schedules conflict, and we must be realistic. 

#3: Go Beyond Superficial Talk

Real friends are the ones that we can be our most authentic selves with. After you share the classes you took, the friends you made, and the clubs you joined, tell them the genuine truth. Maybe you had a difficult semester of feeling homesick or failing a class. Going beyond the superficial conversation creates the substance in the relationship and can rekindle the strong connection that one was. 

#4: Know When to Let Go

As much as we may want to maintain a friendship, it takes two people to make it work. The repeated use of "Definitely another day" or "I have just been so busy" show where their priorities lie- if they wanted to, they would. We don't have to completely erase the other from our lives but know that they are not someone we can rely on and aim our efforts toward others.

So, upon arrival home for the summer, it's critical to recognize that some friendships won't look the same. A changing dynamic is normal when you begin to lead different lives. However, if you can go back home and maintain the connection, that is all that matters. We must value those close to us in life, as they are the ones who will pick us back up in times of need. So, even if the friendship looks a bit different, it's worth conserving. 

Credit: Pinterest

Remember, although Carrie, Miranda, Samatha, and Charlotte lived in different areas, had different family dynamics, and different lifestyles, at the end of the day they could count on each other.

Cover Photo Credit: Pinterest