There’s a Time and a Place for the First Move

Let’s switch up the roles.

by HANNAH KARLIN ★ AUGUST 1, 2022

You can’t focus on anything besides your phone's home screen. Jitters radiate throughout your body, and waves of anticipation lurk. No, we aren't waiting for an acceptance letter, a job promotion, or a concert ticket–sadly, we’re waiting for him to call. For him to make the first move. 

It doesn't always have to be like this. Girls can equally take the initiative. You may be thinking, easier said than done. It might be nerve-racking, but we can achieve success with confidence and a relaxed mentality instead of making it the biggest deal ever. So, if we are going to make the first move, then we better do it properly–and that entails the who, what, when, where, and why.

1. THE WHO

Let's be honest; if we put ourselves out there, then it better be for someone worthwhile. Engage with someone who you decently know–not a complete stranger. This allows you to go into the game with more certainty than a first-glance appearance. By knowing someone, we can judge future compatibility on personality. We want to make this effort (and vulnerability) worthwhile, So, the more we know, the better. That said, not every first move has to be with a known bachelor. Sometimes taking the risk can be rewarding; however, it may not be as reliable. 

2. THE WHAT

From studying at a local Starbucks together to dining over sushi, your comfort level can make the plan. Suggest whatever feels most appropriate at the moment. Some of the most memorable times come from the least extravagant activities—what's important is the one-on-one time. Making the move can also be a subtle cue rather than a blatant ask. "Ugh, I procrastinate for hours when I sit here alone" can be the perfect opening for them to step in and join. Yes, we can be sly like that. 

3. THE WHEN

Make your move in the moment. After you can recognize your feelings, don’t hesitate to ask. Sometimes, the hesitation can lead to overthinking, which halts the initiative and sense of confidence. Think of all the times you have written a text and deleted it before sending it (it happens to the best of us). Besides emotional readiness, physical time needs to be taken into account, as well. What if it's August and you both leave for school come fall? Do it when you have the time to develop a connection. 

4. THE WHERE

In the ideal scenario, you want to do this when the two of you are alone or with few people around. Even if you’re the most confident person in the room, it's hard to really put yourself and your feelings on the line, and even harder with others nearby. A text or phone call might suffice if you aren't feeling the face-to-face moment. Yes, maybe it's less personal, but it's honestly easier. 

5. THE WHY

It's simple: we do this for the chance. The chance that a first move blossoms into something more. The chance that we get to create a meaningful connection with someone. The chance that a relationship emerges. Or even the chance to have a fun time for just a day. Even if rejection prevails, we do this for ourselves. To prove that we don't have to wait around and grow with experience. 

With all this being said, our fairytale expectations don't just fade away–and that's okay. You can still be an independent woman while loving the chase. It's alright to take a step back from your love life, but it's also admirable to take the initiative. 

Try it and take the risk. I'm not asking you to get down on one knee, but I am asking you to do something effective. Take the chance and create something wonderful.

Cover Photo Credit: Pinterest