The Importance of Lessons in Love
…And the types of guys you’ll meet.
by ELENA FLISZARY★ JANUARY 12, 2024
Lessons in love are some of the most heart-wrenching, but also important character building events of our lives. It’s normal to reflect on the people of our past, because it’s all just part of figuring out what we got out of that relationship… or situationship. Sometimes it takes deep soul searching to find out what that lesson was. When going through the ups and downs of the dating scene, every girl is bound to come across these five types of guys, and the lessons that come with them, that eventually transforms us to the person (and partner) we are today.
Mr. I’m Not Ready For A Relationship
Mr. I’m Not Ready For A Relationship is a canon event for all of us. He’s usually one of the first romances of your life, if not the first. You’re young, and have no idea what the word “love” means yet, or what it means to be in love. You go along with whatever he says, because he’s one of the first guys to ever make it known that he’s into you. While staying up way too late on a school night to talk to him, he eventually drops the bomb that he’s “just not ready.” Maybe he pulls out the “we go to different schools” or “we’re too young” excuse, and before you know it, there goes your prom date.
You never forget the first guy of your love and dating journey. But Mr. I’m Not Ready For A Relationship teaches us the lesson of young love and forming the basic foundation of discovering who we are as a partner. Feeling that heartbreak for the first time builds resilience. A resilience that then becomes imperative to find love in the future. We learn how to react to disappointment, work through those feelings, and build ourselves back up again.
2. The Hybrid Man
The Hybrid Man is exactly as his name implies: a hybrid between an immature and mature man. The Hybrid Man is arguably ten times worse than a man who is completely immature. When you first meet, he seems like the most mature man of this generation you’ve ever met. You might even start to think that he might just be the one. The first date was close to perfect– romantic, comfortable, and he paid. Thank God. But as the weeks roll on, his other side starts to come out. You find yourself fighting for communication and consistency every day. He apologizes, but there's no action in his apologies. For the sake of your happiness, you realize you have to cut him loose.
Meeting my Hybrid Man was one of the most altering moments of my love life. I learned the importance of communication, and that it takes a balance of the two to have healthy and effective communication. I also learned that sometimes one person’s all just isn’t enough for you, and that’s okay. You can’t force a person to change, or expedite their path to full maturity. Sometimes there really is nothing else to do except know what you want, and let him go.
3. Mr. Right Person Wrong Time
Mr. Right Person Wrong Time left as fast as he came. Maybe a summer fling, someone you met in class, or someone you bumped into at a bar. As much as you wanted to be with him, it seemed like the stars could never align for you two. He was perfect like a Greek God. You could cut the sexual tension with a knife. But external factors out of your control were even stronger than the sexual tension…
Coming to terms with the fact that sometimes it will just never work is one of the hardest things to accept. Especially when it comes to love and where a relationship just can’t work out with that person. I still think about my Mr. Right Person Wrong Time, but I learned from that experience that you will connect with many people in this lifetime. No one is the end all or be all, and one day another person will come along that you build just as strong a connection with, if not even stronger.
4. Wall Street Man
Wall Street Man is that older guy who you think has it all together. He’s working on his MBA, and has a nice job lined up post-grad on Wall Street. He seems like the guy that will make your dreams of becoming a rich wife come true. Or so it seems. But as time goes on it seems that all he can talk about are his career stocks, NFTs, and making more money. I first met my Wall Street Man at 16, and it took me 4 years to realize that he cared more about getting a bag than being in a relationship. His job, being tired from a long day, and working on his newest entrepreneurial journeys would always be his excuse over spending time with me.
As exhausting as that was, the lesson learned is that sometimes your goals and values won’t always align with someone else's. Not everyone’s priority is a relationship or creating an emotional connection. You can’t force someone into wanting different things for themselves and there’s no pushing down anyone’s ambitions. I also learned that it’s okay to take a while to figure out that you and someone else are just not that compatible. Getting to know someone takes time, and trying to build an emotional connection takes time– don’t shoot yourself in the foot for taking a while to realize that.
5. Mr. Big
Just like Carrie Bradwshaw in Sex and The City, we all meet our Mr. Big one day. Mr. Big is handsome, put together, considerate, witty, and most of all, it feels like you’ve known him your entire life. Completely unexpected, you find yourself infatuated with someone you’d never expect to be. But the relationship can’t seem to reach a definition. Friends, but not really friends. Situationship, but not really a situationship. From the first conversation with my Mr. Big, I knew that our story would be a long one. Upon meeting him I had no idea that it would turn into what it did. Spending our time both together and apart, we learn how to grow as individuals that can (hopefully) come together one day.
To be in a healthy, long term relationship, you must learn how to exist without the other person. You must follow your own path, and chase after your own dreams to find out who you are. Relationships are that much more rewarding when you take the time to grow as an individual, and learn the ways you give and receive love before jumping into anything too fast. But with Mr. Big, I believe there is always an invisible string that leads you back to each other.
Even if these experiences didn’t turn into relationships, they teach invaluable lessons that bring us to the right person one day. Whether we end up with our Mr. Big or not, we learn more about ourselves through failed relationships and romantic experiences. We learn how to love ourselves, give love to others, and find out what we want in a partner. To know what you want, be comfortable being alone, and know how to get yourself back out there even when things fail is key to finding a healthy relationship. Mr. Right is out there, but we can’t forget about our past experiences that help bring us to him.