Lover Girl Era
design: Katie Huang
And why I am so excited to be entering it.
by EMMA NEENAN ★ OCTOBER 11, 2023
Let's just start by saying that in the age of swipe rights, casual hookups, and endless talking stages, the desire for something “more” is sometimes seen as weird. Well, I’m here to tell you it isn't, and let's do it. I am a sophomore in college and if I'm being honest… I'm tired of the hookup era. I don’t want to wake up on a Sunday morning feeling awful about myself and wondering where I stand with someone who quite honestly does not care about me at all. I'm not saying hookups are bad or wrong– if you are a hookup person, you do you– but this is for the sensitive, intense feelers.
Entering your lover girl era means you want something more than a casual hookup. This is something a lot of people might view as “too much” or “annoying,” so they don’t vocalize their needs and intentions to their partner. But, voicing your opinion and making your intentions clear is necessary. Why would you want to spend time, emotion, and energy on someone who doesn’t have the same intentions as you? If someone doesn’t want the same things as you, that doesn't mean they are a bad person. They just aren't the one for you. You will find someone who views your desires as normal, do-able, and most importantly, the same as theirs. That being said, do not let someone lead you on with the “I'm not ready yet” phrase because they just aren't ready with you. That’s tough love, but trust me when I say that people will be ready when they meet the person that they genuinely would do anything to be with. So if they don't want to “be ready for you,” walk away knowing someone else will be.
It is so easy to assume that everyone wants a quick hookup when you are looking for serious things with not-so-serious people. But, there is someone out there with the same desires and intentions as you. Yes, they may be more difficult to find (and you definitely won't find them on a Thursday at 2 a.m.) but they do exist.
It is so crucial— I can’t stress this enough—to not settle. When you have the intention of dating and taking things seriously with someone, it is so easy to see past a few things because this person also wants a relationship. But, this is your reminder that your standards should never lower just so you can have a label. Yes, we want the “dating” label, however, this label should not come at the cost of your standards. Something I’ve done recently is create a list in the notes app on my phone of “non-negotiables” in regards to someone I would potentially date. This list is made up of personality traits and things in general I require in a person from how others view their personality, to how they handle specific situations. I will not entertain the thought of anyone if they do not check off this list.
Let me emphasize that being picky is a good thing when we are talking about your heart and where your time and energy is being placed. You are whole already on your own, so we have to find someone to add to our lives. Therefore, we have to be picky. People are going to treat you exactly how they want to, so let's stop making excuses for shitty actions.
Once we have found Mr. Right, we can invest our emotions and time into them. I know that personally, from a very young age, I was obsessed with love. The Notebook has always been my favorite movie (it's not cheesy, it's cute) and “Love Story” by Taylor Swift was the first song I ever downloaded on my ipod in 2010. So you can assume I love love. There's just something about spending time with someone who you know cares so deeply for you and those emotions are met exactly where theirs are.
I would much rather have one person who knows everything about me, and still loves and accepts me than talk to a new guy every weekend who will never get past surface level conversations. To want a connection so deep that all of my anxiety is soothed just by being in their presence. Someone who gives me butterflies but simultaneously calms and grounds me. A gentle love, where you know they are holding your heart with only the most pure intentions. A slow love, where you aren't love bombed just so you stay a little longer, they should take their time getting to know you. A friendship love, where they were standing in plain sight the whole time until the moment was just right for them to be something more.
There are so many beautiful types of love and so many reasons to be hopeful. Giving and receiving love is the most beautiful transaction we can go through as humans. To find someone who loves and cares for you genuinely is rare but so amazing once you receive it. Finding the right person makes every single failed talking stage and prolonged situationship so worth it. There is someone out there who will cherish your love and meet you so far beyond what you thought was possible. So, let's enter our lover girl eras together and join each other on our journey to find our Mr. Right.