It's Time to Date Yourself

You’re all you need, trust me.

by AVA SWIDLER ★ OCTOBER 17, 2023

This summer I broke up with my boyfriend, went abroad to Israel, then went straight to college. Unexpected as it was, I am now learning the importance of living presently, independently, and feeling more like myself than ever. Leaving the country fresh out of a breakup ending up being the luckiest thing that could have happened to me. I was in a new place, and it allowed me to realize that there was a world outside of my relationship. It might not feel like it right now, but eventually you will learn that the only real relationship you need to be in, is with yourself.

I want to make it clear that I'm not telling you to run away from your relationships. I’m saying that if you’ve grown out of a relationship, instead of looking for a new one, find companionship within yourself. Don't waste time on hating your ex. Focus on you and only you. Once you get to know yourself a little more you will find out who you want to surround yourself with (if you even want to surround yourself with anyone at all). 

I’ll be honest, on the flight to Israel I cried about 5 times and received many looks after going in and out of the bathroom with tears streaming down my face, so I decided to write down all my thoughts in my journal. I decided that for this summer I would be 100% focused on myself and what was in front of me… but that was much easier said than done. During the first week I found myself looking at old pictures and texts and not living by what I had told myself I would do at the beginning of the trip. Talking with friends going through similar experiences really helped me, and we decided that for the duration of the trip whenever we thought about our exes we would go on a run. This strategy worked- and kept me from eating my feelings. By the end of the summer I was ready to bring my new, fit single self to college.

No one ever told me how much extra time you have in college. Well, technically they did, I just didn't believe it until now. It's a choice to sit in your room and do nothing all day, just like it’s a choice to wake up early and live your life to its fullest potential. Choose the option that is going to produce the best outcome within yourself. I struggled at first with what to choose. My ex would call and I ended up picking up from time to time, but I was falling back into the pattern I was experiencing throughout my first week in Israel, so I ran.

 I ran for 2 hours that day, and the more I ran, the more clearly I realized that I was subconsciously channeling my negative energy and thoughts into a really healthy habit. I began developing a routine of wake up, run, shower, school and I started to genuinely enjoy the time I had alone, something I never thought I would. The more time I spent with myself the more I realized how much I could do in the course of 1 day if I just stopped thinking about him. I didn't need to be hooking up or dating anyone because I already had things to think about and as soon as I understood that, I began to love my life more. Other ways you can focus on yourself is actually getting to know yourself; understanding what you like doing in your free time (going on your phone doesn't count) and once you figure that out, make time for it. Focusing on yourself means doing things that nurtures your soul and makes you the best version of yourself! I’m not encouraging you to break up with your boyfriend or do anything irrational, I'm telling you that it’s ok to be alone and without a significant other. Because being alone doesn't mean you're lonely when you learn to love yourself.