Outgrowing Friendships without Guilt

Holding onto Self-Growth.

by Saanya Malhotra ★ APRIL 14th, 2026

Photo Credit: Lizzie Furlong

We are often told that college is the time when you “find your people.” We make friendships that one day are inseparable, yet the next, the conversations can seem unnatural and forced.  However, it’s not the distance or divide causing us pain; it’s the guilt. 

We often wonder what we did wrong, or if we changed too much or if we didn’t try hard enough. It is because we go in with the expectation of finding our forever friends that losing one seems like the end of the world and our fault as individuals. But the truth is that college is about finding yourself. 

You are exposed to different people, different communities, traditions, and cultures, which present different opportunities for you as an individual. At one point in time, you may click with someone and have a close bond, but at another point, it may feel constricting or one-sided. But this doesn’t mean that you or the respective friend did anything wrong; it simply means that your time together has come to an end. You guys had each other for the time you needed each other, and now your needs have changed. That being said, it doesn’t mean that the friendship wasn’t real. It was very much real, but it just belonged to a different version of you.  

So, girls, at any point in life when your friendship comes to an end, remember that it’s not a “you problem” and it’s not the time to feel guilty. Instead, embrace it and embrace the new version of you. Realise that some friendships grow with you, whereas some are meant to grow you. 

Here are some ways to practice outgrowing your friendships without guilt. 

1. Acknowledge The Comfort The Friendship Gave You 
   
   As friendships fade, there is bound to be emotions of sadness and guilt. But instead of associating our past friendships with these negative emotions, we should correlate them to positive emotions. Start practicing gratitude for how the friendships changed you and helped you grow as a person. Be grateful that the person was a part of your life when you needed them the most. Hold on to the good memories and stomach-aching laughs. This way, you will be able to let go of the past and move on without any resistance. 
   

2. Protect Your Peace 
   

   Yes, I know, we are all familiar with this idea, but in this case, the meaning is a little different. Protecting your peace doesn’t always mean walking away from a friendship or ignoring issues. In this case, it means accepting the distance formed between people and appreciating it. We need to understand that outgrowing a friendship isn’t a failure or a negative reflection of us as individuals. It is the idea of becoming someone new while leaving certain versions of yourself behind. This is the only true way one can protect their peace. 

In any stage of life, whether it’s college or later, friendships will come and go. But how you carry the aftermath is your choice. You can either choose to live with guilt or gratitude, remembering that you are allowed to change. We all evolve as individuals, and so do our friendships. We must acknowledge our needs and celebrate the connections we have had. As every friendship shapes who we are and sets us free, regardless of whether they last forever. 

Edited by: Ava Robbins