Finding Validation In Yourself
…and how to start.
by MIA ROSENZWEIG ★ JUNE 10, 2024
Validation: Recognition or affirmation that a person's feelings and opinions are accepted.
Validation allows people to feel heard and understood. It strengthens relationships and improves overall interactions. Validation is a powerful communication tool. It has the ability to calm fears, concerns or even add excitement and joy!
It’s completely normal and healthy to seek validation from family, friends and partners. However you shouldn’t seek external validation excessively. I’ve been a victim to relying on others to make myself feel good. I’ve doubted my abilities and my confidence because I was worried about what others thought of me. I’ve even begun to question my worth if others don’t value me. From social media likes to ex-boyfriends, I’ve valued other’s opinions of me above my own in the past.
Relying on external validation makes us anxious or depressed. This lack of self confidence gives too much power to people in our lives. It makes criticism and disapproval very painful because we value other people’s opinions too much. Whenever I’m overthinking a situation, I remember that stressing about something that either hasn’t happened yet or already happened is putting yourself through that stressful situation twice. Worrying about being perceived is exhausting to say the least. My biggest piece of advice is to accept the judgment and stop caring! My first day at Syracuse, I fell down the Carnegie library steps. Yes, I fell down 5 flights of stairs in the middle of the quad during the busiest time of the year. There was even a Yik Yak post about me and dozens of people saw me. However, people move on and forget! Now, 2 years later, no one can remember and no one cares! Even if a few people remember and judge me for it, why should I care? The only judgment you should care about is about the close people in your life, not people who don’t even know your name.
We can’t rely on others to make us feel good. When we do, we allow others to dictate our worth. I’ve questioned my own feelings, thoughts and judgements because I didn’t have confidence in myself. Self-validation includes acknowledging your feelings, thoughts and actions. Although getting validation from others is important, the most important thing is to find peace and love within yourself! External validation should be in addition to self validation, not in place of it.
Trust me, it’s a lot easier said than done. Self-validation takes a lot of practice. One day it will become second nature and you’ll stop second guessing yourself as much. You will also have less tolerance for people invalidating you. Here’s some tips on how to start!
Try to do one of these a day:
1. Encouraging yourself: “I can do this” , “This is a temporary situation”, “I’ve overcome every hard situation in the past, I can do this”
2. Acknowledging your strengths, wins, progress and effort: “Progress isn’t linear”, “I’m proud of myself for starting”
3. Accepting your feelings without judgment: “It’s healthy to express my feelings“ , “All of my feelings are normal and valid”
4. Treating yourself with kindness: Get your nails done, go on a run, get a massage. Take care of yourself and do something that makes you happy and makes you feel good!
5. Words of affirmation: Encourage yourself with kind words “You deserve love and kindness”, “I’m proud of you for getting through today”
You’re the biggest critic of yourself! Comparing yourself to others, minimizing your feelings, over-analyzing situations and judging yourself is not validating! Any emotion you’re feeling is valid and rational. The journey of self-love is difficult but rewarding! To all the UGirl readers, I wish you the best of luck on your self-love journey! Remember, you’re never alone in what you’re going through!
RESOURCES
Text or call: 988
Chat: 988lifeline.org
Text: HELLO to 741741