A Focus on Female Friendships.
The importance of finding your girlfriends in a relationship obsessed season.
by SOPHIA ZANINOVICH ★ JANUARY 18, 2024
Cuffing season is out, and prioritizing female friendships is in. Let’s make this a winter for the girls. Emphasize cherishing the women that support our individuality and help us become our best selves.
As I plop down on the couch to watch How Harry Met Sally for the third time this month, I begin to convince myself my guy friend is in love with me like I’m Meg Ryan. While I imagine this impossible scenario, to my right is a girl talking my ear off about her Nazi Germany class, and convincing me that tarot cards are real. “I don’t believe in that shit”, I tell her. “Well it makes me happy,” she snaps back. End of discussion. I will support my friend even if we disagree on the silly stuff in life. Her goofiness and self assurance breaks me out of my ridiculous fake boyfriend thought cycle. This woman makes me want to educate myself and live life my way. She would pass the Bechdel Test; most of us would not. Don’t get me wrong, we talk about guys; but this friendship is dependent on supporting each other, not the guy we’re crushing on. Look at the women around you, what is your foundation with them? Female friends should make your day, month, year a more positive space.
Understand how special it is to have a true best friend. Appreciate those that deserve your precious energy and stop giving it to those that drain you. As young 20-something-year-olds, we are at the age of easy manipulation. The people we encounter daily have an immense impact on who we become. We love that party girl, roommate, or even the highschool friend you see 2 weeks in a year. But these friends could be holding you back. Pushing unhealthy friendships aside is a challenge for women since most of us are natural caretakers. For instance, I am a people pleaser with an intense need to be liked. I am working towards changing this habit and getting comfortable with saying no, but this can be hard in college. Think back to your best friend freshman year. You can’t wait to meet her family, and plan her ideal 21st birthday. She is “your person.” But is she? How much energy did you waste being friends with a girl that did not align with you at a given time in your life? We all do it. Like romantic relationships, sometimes it's hard to know it’s toxic until you’re out of it. I JUST realized this month I lived with an energy sucker for a whole year, and her bad vibes pulled me down with her. The beauty in letting go is learning something from each past friendship.
If you're an oversharer like myself, you want all your friends to be your best friend and that often gets you hurt. Before moving in with multiple female roommates, I decided it was time to work on my boundaries. I started using a trick I call the friendship rings to categorize the level of energy I give to people. You have three circles of friends: red, blue, and green. Your red circle is your ride-or-dies and family. These are “your people” and you trust them indefinitely. They are the relationships you fight to keep. The blue level can still be considered your closest friends and people you encounter daily. They do not deserve the energy or information that you share with a red friendship. For example, if they start to create drama in the friend group, you can distance yourself and tell them less personal information. Your green circle consists of the friends you encounter every so often and enjoy chatting with. For example, your party friend, or a girl that lives in your sorority house. Green friends are the easiest to step away from but they are still present. If they hurt you, just remind yourself they are green friends. Don’t fight to keep them, step away. The friendship rings give me a checklist to reflect on before oversharing or placing false trust in someone.
It may be time to let some close people go or set some much needed boundaries. Purposefully losing friends is always awkward especially if they didn’t “do anything”. Their actions are not always concrete or blameworthy. Like, kissing your boyfriend versus making everything a big deal. Their bad vibes and negativity are both reason enough to step away kindly. Life is too short to surround yourself with the wrong people. This isn’t your toxic high school boyfriend, this is your bestie. Make it count! Their constant drama and problems are not your responsibility. It's ok to ghost them if they are not supporting who you are anymore.
So now that I’ve sufficiently stressed you out let's look at how to find and add new lovely women in our lives. There is no definition of a good friend since it's entirely subjective. Remember, the people that are good for us are not always the ones we are drawn to immediately. Be patient with yourself. You most likely won’t find your maid of honor in a one week search. But hey, sometimes it’s plain dumb luck. The most unlikely friends I have made were in classes with similar interests to me. Talk to that girl in nutrition, or make a buddy in sociology. Clubs are an easy way to make impactful friendships, too. Even if it’s not your major, join a dance team, walk into Citrus TV and learn how to do behind the scenes stuff. Outside of clubs and school, go find friends around town. If you have a favorite coffee shop or lunch spot, interact with locals and the cashier or the girl with cute shoes bringing over your coffee. I know it can feel awkward, but complimenting people is an easy way to start conversation. Even if the comment doesn’t lead to anything, it probably made their day.
So I propose as the seasons change, leave behind the women that don't serve us anymore, and celebrate moments with the women that make us feel good. Make an effort towards the friends that have you walking away from a small interaction with a smile. Prioritize yourself and protect your well being. This isn’t high school: the cool girl group is out, finding your girls is in.