Growing Up In A Time Of Universal Growth: Why Personal Change Should Not Be Forgotten
You can change your mind, that’s the way it goes.
by CHLOE HECHTER ★ JULY 7, 2020
“How did I become this person?” you might wonder while staring at your reflection at 2AM for the millionth time, your childhood bedroom suddenly feeling too small (even though you haven’t grown physically since middle school). Being in college sometimes means feeling like the only constant in your life is that nothing is constant; whether it be your interests, your friends, or your favorite place to shop for going-out tops, everything you think you know changes at lightning speed. Change can be daunting in that it often means feeling out of control and lost in the land of in-betweens, but as the world undergoes historical changes on a grander scale, it is incredibly important to take a step back, recognize, and accept change within yourself (keyword: ACCEPT!).
I’m a pretty dramatic person. When faced with any minor inconvenience or inconsistency, I take to wailing in a manner similar to Cher from Clueless while collapsing onto my bed and gracing my mother with a tragic recount about how much my life just literally sucks. I’ve only been in college for 1.67 semesters, but in my time at school, I had to embrace a change within myself that I’d been pushing away out of fear of the unknown; I was beginning to develop an entirely different sense of what I wanted to do with my life than I had when I first began my education. I also had to embrace the fact that there are more mature ways of handling your feelings than whining like a spoiled fourth grader.
Altering your ambitions is a fact of life that we all have to deal with at one point or another. Defying your parent’s dream of you becoming a doctor or a lawyer is a scary thought to admit, but defying the wishes and passions of your 15-year-old self can feel even more terrifying. We often cling to the past because it feels safe and easy, but we are, as a society, learning how to become comfortable with being uncomfortable., This national change has forced me to acknowledge how totally okay it is that I am a completely different person than I was two years ago, two semesters ago, and even two months ago.
It’s taken us almost four months and we’re still not quite adjusted to “the new normal,” and while we’ve definitely perfected low-carb chocolate chip cookies and DIY tie-dye by now, we have to be careful not to miss out on the new versions of ourselves that will inevitably come out of all of this time alone with our thoughts. Nerve-racking, right? Breathing into that shaky, nervous feeling is the first step to real self-acceptance; the kind that comes from genuine, honest-to-God reflection and not just a night of face masks and Eat, Pray, Love.
If you feel like you’re falling into the tragically all-too-familiar pit of quarantine existential despair, as opposed to distracting yourself with Tiktok and your fifth rewatch of Glee, allow yourself to have those thoughts. It’s okay; we’ve all been there. Think about everything you’ve learned and what you’re continuing to learn, and who you’re going to be when this is all over. Ruminate in the “ick”--I guarantee you, with every over-the-top identity crisis and earth-shattering meltdown comes insane amounts of growth, even if they take longer to recognize. Now is the time to accept change within yourself and create new habits and patterns as opposed to falling back into the old because it’s the painless way out.
In my own experience, the fact that I even considered switching my major was frightening, to say the least: had my fundamental values changed that much in the past year? As opposed to sticking with something that felt completely safe, controllable, and known, I realized how genuinely happy writing made me, and that my interests were not mutually exclusive either; you don’t have to just put yourself in a box with a neon label the second you do something. Oddly enough, I would not have reached this level of clarity and self-affirmation had it not been for being trapped in my house for months.
Credit: Pinterest
Shut off everything that’s going on around you for just half an hour a day, make yourself a coffee, and allow your unfiltered thoughts to just kind of... happen. Journaling is also a fantastic way to reflect, but it’s not for everyone, so be sure to find what works for you. You’ll be pleasantly surprised with what comes of this time; checking in with yourself every once in a while will improve your mental health and make you more secure with your ever-changing lifestyle.
So maybe you have some personal label equivalent to my *theatre girl* that you’ve been afraid to shake, or maybe you’re dealing with issues in regards to family, friends, mental health, your body...when you’re in a period of self-discovery and weird transitions, the list goes on. You have to go through every confusing thought, every momentary bout of insanity, and every Snapchat-documented hysterical sob in order to blossom into the fierce individual you’re becoming.