In Defense of the Performative Male
Why is it Taboo to Know What Women Want?
by Katherine Schlueter ★ October 30th, 2025
Design by: Katherine Schlueter
Early on in the fall semester Syracuse University students followed a national trend and held its very own performative male contest featuring male students decked out in baggy jeans, tote bags and touting feminist literature. The question remains though: why is this funny?
What is so audacious about the idea of some men dressing and acting in a way that appeals to the female gaze for once? Our culture often expects women to perform in ways that are appealing to men with tropes like ‘the cool girl,’ ‘trad wife,’ or even the aggravating ‘pick me girl,’ to name a few. Women deserve to enjoy an aesthetic that caters to them for once. We should let men play into women’s fantasies of meeting a well-mannered guy who’s a feminist and loves wearing knit sweaters in coffee shops. It sounds a hell of a lot more realistic than a cool girl always happy to shovel down junk food with the guys, wash it down with cheap beer in ‘effortless’ glam every gameday, while miraculously remaining a size two.
This shows a shift in the young dating scene where among 18-29 year-olds, only 31% of women are single compared to 51% of men, who now need to compete for female attention. Maybe now men can try twisting themselves into knots to get women to like them and get a peek into how exhausting it is. For years women have sat through football games, Bitcoin breakdowns and League of Legends tournaments in dorm rooms. Men can set aside three hours to smile through a Taylor Swift concert, take a stroll in a farmers market or take an interest in their partner's favorite book.
Originally, this trend was based on perceived inauthenticity of men with Benson Boone-esque mustaches whose ultimate goal was to manipulate potential female partners. Are all these men alpha males in sheep’s clothing? Maybe some are, but if they only have these hobbies to get female attention, the act will unravel once you spend any real time with them. The jig is up the moment you press them for their thoughts on that book they’re reading upside-down and they can’t offer anything of substance. So here’s the more likely explanation: these men genuinely enjoy the aesthetic and want to stop apologizing for it.
This aesthetic bucks the trend of emasculated men so afraid of not being ‘manly’ and instead loudly shows that manhood should include the freedom to express yourself and support women in your life. This can be anything from basic listening skills to carrying a variety of tampons in your bag.
Male expression is already policed and their gender performance is constantly called into question. In their youth they were chastised for playing with dolls (I’m sorry, action figures) and in adulthood they are hounded for simply reading in public. Jumping on this bandwagon of tearing down men you do not know for drinking matcha, sporting a beanie or listening to Clairo through wired headphones isn’t all that funny. It’s anti-intellectual and anti-feminist, and is no different than taunting women who enjoy gaming and wearing baggy clothes. We wouldn’t assume that women wearing jerseys in sports bars are running a long con to land a man. Why the double standard?
Assuming inauthenticity based on surface level cues is actively discouraging male allyship. This mocking trend could send men the problematic message that they shouldn’t support female artists or learn about feminism. True progress requires making space for every gender to express themselves without fear of ridicule. The question isn’t whether these men are “performing”, it’s whether we are, when we laugh at them.
Edited by: Ava Robbins