Wait, I AM Exactly Like Other Girls!

A reflection on rejecting labels and embracing the full, authentic spectrum of girlhood.

by Katherine Schlueter ★ March 26th, 2026

Photo Credit: Milo Wijenayake

We ask ourselves from a young age: ‘What box do I fit in?’

Am I a ______ girl?

• Smart 

• Tomboy 

• Pretty

• Artsy

• Athletic

• Cool 

These reductive archetypes shape our understanding of what girlhood is supposed to look like. We feel forced to choose a box early and stick to it so people know who you are and how to treat you. 

When You Build a Box for Yourself

If you’re like me, watching how hyperfeminine women are treated in the media, the solution was to downplay your femininity to be taken seriously. I shopped in the boy’s toy section to stockpile styrofoam artillery, threw out every trace of pink in my closet and made numerous male friends to prove I had depth.  

This box got pretty comfy until I was called out as a “pick-me-girl,” a girl who isn’t like other girls to receive male validation. They were right. I was not the complete authentic version of myself. When you build your identity around avoiding trends, you’re still controlled by them. 

This mentality of avoiding being labeled the “wrong type” of woman has also convinced a generation that they shouldn't identify as feminists to avoid being called a “bitch” or a “__”. The 2010s were rife with sayings (or synonyms, but don’t repeat language)  like “I’m not a feminist, but,” and this language is still alive and well in many circles. 

In a recent TikTok trend, an anti-feminist creator, Lily Kate, said in a now-deleted video that “I’m not a feminist, I can actually cook.” This led to a controversy and poetic clapback of “I’m a feminist, watch me cook,” showing female professionals and even homemakers denouncing this line of thinking that feminism is the antithesis of femininity. 

Girlhood is a Spectrum

The truth is: you can be more than one thing. 

There’s a point when you wake up and realize that you don’t have to pick. You can be pretty AND smart! Into makeup and outdoorsy. Afraid of spiders and into cars. Conservative and a feminist. None of these things is opposed. Who even convinced us that they were? 

By trying to be seen as an exception to the rule, this system causes/makes/… us to fight over one seat at the table, so we don’t question why there’s more than one chair. Rejecting pink does not exclude you from sexism. You cannot opt out of a system by pretending it doesn’t exist. 

Once you tune out the patriarchal propaganda that pits women against one another, you also open yourself up to some pretty amazing women. This by no means requires all women to be friends; that would be inauthentic. What it can do is open up a world of possibilities. 

Friendships Worth Fighting For

You do not have to be the same “type” as your friends or dress exactly alike to belong. If you occasionally coordinate on purpose or by happenstance, that does not dilute your individuality. 

The beauty of female friendship lies in a radical acceptance of one another's differences on the basis that we are fundamentally the same at our core. The real issue starts when anyone feels they have to change themselves to belong, whether that’s about gender expression, body type, or background. Real connection doesn’t come with prerequisites.

When our connections are genuine, there is a special kind of magic when a person listens to a deeply personal story or even a hyper-specific anecdote, and simply says, “Me too.”

Edited by: Maia Simmons & Kaila Hu