Ghosting: Why It Happens & How to Deal

We've all been there.

by TAYLER BRADFORD   ★    SEPTEMBER 13, 2018

You're talking to a super cute guy, and it seems like you two are really hitting it off! Maybe he introduces you to his friends or takes you out on a date. Even if you guys are just hooking up, you start to develop feelings for him.

One day you are having simultaneous Snapchat and text conversations. And the next? Nothing. This super cute guy of yours has ghosted you out of the blue.

Because you don’t want to play the “cute, but psycho” card, you resist the urge to text him right away. But a week goes by, and you still haven’t heard from him. You start to overthink every interaction you two have had, straight down to your very last Snapchat.

Don’t let a stupid guy drive you crazy! Here are five reasons why guys ghost and five ways to deal with it.

Screen Shot 2018-07-14 at 8.19.52 PM.png

1. He’s seeing someone else

 
 

As a UGirl at Cuse, you know relationships are not exclusive unless specifically stated. Even if you are not talking to other people, he may be. We know it sucks, but there is nothing you can do about it because you don’t know the nature of his other relationship(s).

It will be OK; there are plenty of other guys out there. He doesn’t deserve you anyway!

2. He’s just not that into you

 
 

Unfortunate, but it happens. Instead of being upfront, guys resort to ghosting for two reasons: either they think they are sparing our feelings, or they want to avoid an awkward conversation. Both excuses are cowardly and immature. And who wants to be with an immature coward? No one.

3. He has a lot going on

 
 

It isn’t you, it’s him. He may be swamped with school work or overwhelmed with personal problems he does not want to discuss. Too bad he lacks common sense, because a simple text saying “sorry I have a lot going on right now” would have sufficed. If he really does have a lot going on, he may resurface at some point.

4. He got what he wanted

 
 

The. Absolute. Worst. Next time, try to figure out his intentions before jumping into bed with him, because he may only be looking to get laid. Being led on by a guy who you opened up to is incredibly upsetting. Just remember, he probably has a replica of Schmidt’s “Douchebag Jar” on his desk. That, in and of itself, should be deal-breaker.

5. He doesn't think you're interested

 
 

While we're all for playing hard to get, be careful you're not taking it to another level. If you take too long to answer or make yourself seem too unavailable, he may take the hint and begin to think you are no longer interested. To avoid this miscommunication, make sure he knows you are into him.

Screen Shot 2018-07-14 at 8.22.10 PM.png

1. Text him

 
 

Want closure? Don’t be afraid to reach out.

Stick to a version of this: “Hey I thought things were going great, but I haven’t heard from you in a while. If you lost interest or are seeing someone else that’s totally fine, but I would rather you be upfront with me.”

This text is straight forward and calm. When he responds, say something light to end the conversation on a positive note, just in case you want to revisit things in the future.

2. Do NOT overtext

 
 

This is probably the worst thing you could do. Being over eager is a major turnoff. Not only does this show him how much power he has over your emotions, but it also makes you seem a little crazy. If he doesn’t respond to the text message above, it is time to move on. Plus, you shouldn’t be with a complete a**hole who treats you poorly anyway.

3. Social media

 
 

Head to his Insta profile, and click on the three dots located in the upper right corner. In the pull down menu, click on mute. Here, you have the opportunity to mute his posts and stories. With this trick, you will have a much easier time ignoring his social media posts. By not unfollowing him on Insta or unadding him on Snap, you will seem totally fine and over him, even if you’re not.

When you unfollow or unadd him, you run the risk of drunkenly adding him back. Or you may want to add him back a couple of months down the line. Adding a guy back on social media tends to be a little awkward because he will realize you deleted him in the first place. 

But if you find yourself stalking him and getting upset, definitely unfollow him. 

4. GNO

 
 

One of the best ways to lift your spirits is to surround yourself with people who make you happy. Get yourself all dolled up, put on a cute outfit, and have yourself a night! Who knows, you may even meet a cute boy while you’re out.

5. Put yourself back out there

 
 

Just because it did not work out with one guy doesn’t mean it won’t happen with another! Although it may be intimidating, you should put yourself back out there and pursue someone new. It may be hard to become vulnerable again, but when you meet the right person, everything will fall into place.

 

Almost everyone has fallen victim to getting ghosted, so recognize that you are not alone. If you are feeling down, give these coping mechanisms a try, or check out this article on other ways to get over your ex.

Tayler Bradford