Acting Emotionless: The Trend That Should Have Stopped Before It Started
Stop feeling like you are “too much.”
by EMMA NEENAN ★ MAY 2, 2023
Living in a society where every other video on your TikTok feed talks about “caring less” and acting unbothered can make us emotional and deep-feelers think there is something wrong with us. Spoiler alert… there isn't.
Personally, I am tired of playing the waiting game before answering texts and pretending that a late night “wyd” snap is all I want. No matter how many TikToks fill my For You Page telling me the only way to get someone's attention is to act like I don’t care, I would much rather show someone how I feel. Acting emotionally detached can only last for so long, until eventually you become fed up. So, let's re-normalize telling people how we really feel, and whether that is reciprocated or not, it should still be said– because you never know how someone might respond.
You will never get back the time you spend giving your silent attention to boys who never really gave a second thought about how quickly you answered their Snapchat. All of this can be avoided by allowing yourself to feel your emotions and act on them properly. This concept goes for everything: grades, boys, friendships, appearance, and anything else you can think of. It's okay to want to stay in on Thursday and study for your exam Friday when all of your friends are going out. It's okay to ask him to do something in public beyond the walls of his dorm room. It's okay to ask that group of girls on your floor if they want to grab coffee. And it's okay to get ready and do your makeup before class. Caring about how things look to other people is pointless when you are the one living your own life.
If people are going to judge you for being the way you are, then what's the point in being around them anyways? Acting numb is so normalized that when someone has emotions, people sometimes look at them as being “too much” or “annoying,” when in reality they are real. Feeling things deeply is a blessing, and we should all be tired of feeling like it is something to be embarrassed about.
No one can tell you how to properly feel YOUR emotions. There's no specific amount of time that either allows or frowns upon you acting a certain way. Break ups suck (both friendship and romantic ones), and answering his text faster than you normally would does not make you desperate. There is so much judgment around how you behave after these situations, yet no one knows how you really feel. You should not feel shame for having emotions towards someone no longer in your life. There is a difference between begging someone to stay in your life and knowing someone is not worthy of your time, attention and love, but still mourning the loss of their presence. Allowing yourself to feel those emotions is actually the healthiest way to get over that person or situation.
Caring about the things around you is what makes life interesting. Caring gives you goals, hobbies, relationships, and ultimately success. What is the point in living a life where going through the motions is what you strive for? I’m sure we have all felt things a little too hard, and wouldn’t you rather that any day than feeling nothing at all?
Keep in mind that I am not saying to throw your time and attention at people and things that are not worthy of it. But, there's nothing wrong with asking that special someone to go do something besides Netflix and chill, and the girls on your floor who you haven't really talked to might be anxious to ask you to get coffee too.
Make it a goal to let yourself feel how you actually feel so that you can properly evaluate (and show) your emotions. Feeling that pit in your stomach after your friends hang out without you will go away faster if you actually acknowledge it, and that excitement after landing your dream internship deserves to be acknowledged. Your emotions are normal, always valid, and never “too much.” If someone is making you feel this way, take a look at why they are unable to meet you where you are, rather than feeling like there is something wrong with you.
I can not stress the importance of both feeling and expressing your emotions. Living in a society where being “numb” and “emotionless” is a trend, it can make you feel like there is something wrong with you when you can't just switch your feelings off. Remember that there is nothing wrong with you, and there never was. Life is too short for you to be spending time at war with your own emotions; instead, allow them to teach you. Remember that you can not heal if you pretend you are not hurt.