Going Long Distance
design: Ella Welch
The key to staying in touch with your friends from home.
by RAFAELA TOROSSIAN ★ DECEMBER 21, 2023
The time has finally come! You're at college. The room you've been planning for months is finally put together, and the group game day pics you've been dreaming about are being taken. Something is missing, though–your friendships from home. If you’re like me, you got very used to spending every second of your high school days with hometown friends up until this point. But now we’re here, hundreds of miles from our closest people. Maybe we aren't all going through long-distance relationships (shout-out to my pre-college breakup), but we’re definitely going through long-distance friendships, which can be so much worse. Not all hope is lost, though. Here’s a guide to things I’ve found helpful to stay in touch and connected to your friends from home.
Set a plan
Don't show up at school and expect everything to fall into place. I know, easier said than done. I also spent the whole summer promising my friends I’d call them every week. Yet sometimes as we all know… not everything goes according to plan. Don't let that upset you, though. That doesn't mean those things will never happen--just maybe not right now. On your walk to class, try to call your friend just to say hi! Start on a smaller scale and focus on FaceTiming individual friends at different times. Honestly, I'm starting to get used to doing my night-time routine on FaceTime with my friends. And eventually, when all the timing works out, your friend group will finally have those group calls you all promised.
Keep the girls' group chat active
Treat the chat like you did when you were all at home. Okay, you don't need to be texting in it all day, but an update on your most recent hookup or your night out is always something fun to text about. The highlight of my day is when my girls group chat is blowing up and we are all sending random selfies.
Give little gifts as reminders
Remember the gift exchange challenge on TikTok where each person buys their favorite product for their group? Do that. Get each person in your friend group your favorite makeup product, a mini version of a perfume, or something else small you love. Each person gets a little something that reminds them of their home friends, and sometimes that’s all you need to feel close to home.
Don't be jealous of your friends' experiences
I struggled with this during the first few weeks of school. I dreaded the endless questions about school and being asked about new friends I made. I didn't know how to tell my friends I hadn't made new friends yet, and that school kinda sucked. One day, when I was upset about the situation, I broke down to one of my friends, who I always saw posting with a huge group of girls. Turns out the huge new college friend group posts you see on Instagram aren't all that. For some, they were a rite of passage into freshman year, but you're not missing out on much if you don't have that.
Don’t let home friendships take away from your time at school
This might be the most important thing out of anything I’ve said. Do not let your home friends be the reason you are scared to go out and make new friends. They’re still always going to be there for you and are going to be happy for you and all your new accomplishments. Everything should be balanced in moderation. So while it is great to take time to FaceTime your home friends and catch up, if that’s at the same time that your new college friends are hanging out, tell your friends - they’ll understand.
Express your feelings
Friendship is a two-way street, so if you start feeling like your long distance friends aren’t reciprocating the time and energy that you're putting into the friendship, it's time to say something! Communication is key. Tell them how you feel. We all get caught up in our own lives, and sometimes we just need someone to call us out on our shit.
That’s all from me, best of luck and make the most of your time in college!