Hookup Culture: the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
Having a blast or mourning the loss of chivalry?
by JOLIE ZENNA ★ JULY 19, 2021
Lately, getting asked out on an innocent -I don’t expect you to to hookup with me in my car afterwards- date has felt like a thing of the past. Hookup culture has taken over, especially in college. While we’ve definitely all had some quality hookups and fun stories to tell our friends, let’s face it--others can feel pretty regrettable. Hookup culture is a way to explore your relationships with others, but we forget that it’s taken a toll on our most important relationship: our relationship with ourselves. With that, let’s take a look into the highs and lows of hookup culture.
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Let’s start with the good news:
It’s opened up the conversation around sex
Sex is not such a hush-hush topic like it was in the *olden days.* Sex is portrayed more realistically in film and television, for starters, which has really made a positive impact on audiences’ comfort levels when talking about the topic. Hookup culture has also allowed for a more progressive outlook on women being sexual beings. The idea of women enjoying hooking up isn’t taboo anymore…shows like Girls, Sex and the City, and Sex/Love, for example, explore female desire as a valid emotion rather than something to feel guilty about. This representation on TV definitely translates into real life and releases some of the stigmas around girls having sex for themselves. Sometimes, a girl’s gotta embrace her inner Samantha Jones!
Can help you gain sexual experience and confidence
We’re not in the 1950s, we’re not marrying someone at 18, and odds are we’re not sleeping with one person for the rest of our lives from this point on. Hookup culture can allow you to have different experiences with different partners, so if you do eventually decide to settle down with one person, you have a better sense of what you want. It may even help you find or become more comfortable with your sexuality.
We can all agree that with hookup culture’s highs comes its ultimate lows.
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Here are some things to be mindful of:
Rewarding guys for doing the bare minimum
Wooowww! He brought you a glass of water when you went to his house to hook up! Does that really deserve a gold medal? Your hookup probably isn’t bringing you on extravagant dates, but we still deserve the utmost respect from our partners.
Feeling like you owe someone your body
Hookup culture makes sex super casual, but that doesn’t mean that sex is casual to each person. A standard of hookup culture might be that talking to someone at a party for an hour or two means you’ll go back to their place, hook up, and never talk to them again. Obvi if you want to, go for it! But never feel pressured to go home with someone. You don’t owe anyone ANYTHING. If you want to get to know them more before hooking up, you can always ask for their phone number. NEVER feel bad about not getting with someone.
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It can make things complicated if you catch feelings
A casual hookup is great until someone catches feelings, and usually at least one of the -involved parties- ends up catching them. After doing the whole “no strings attached” thing, it can be hard to express your feelings whether it’s because you don’t want to seem clingy or you’re afraid of rejection. It’s important to stay true to yourself, and if that means cutting someone off because they mean more to you than you mean to them, that’s a choice that must be made. Trust me, I’ve been there. You come out a better person. It can make relationships seem out of reach, so when you’re going after someone you like, your first instinct is to hook up with them even if your intentions are to start a relationship. Still, you can set boundaries if you realize that you aren't looking for the same things. It’s their loss in the end.
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You can start to devalue yourself
With hookup culture, there is less of that sense that your partner has to “earn” sex from you. If you’re like me, you may begin to question your standards...(or if you even have them at all). It’s easy to get caught up in the fun and casualty of hookup culture, but you may reach a point where you start to regret your decisions. It’s easier said than done, but you shouldn’t feel gross or ashamed of your sexual decisions. Instead, take those “regrettable moments” and learn from them. Apply what you learned when setting boundaries in the future. Remember that opening yourself up to someone is a privilege, so start viewing it that way. If you are having doubts about hooking up with someone, don’t brush the doubts off. It’s okay to want to take things slow or take a break from sex entirely, even if that doesn’t seem like the norm.
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Hookup culture is a college tradition, but it isn’t for everyone. While going through your own experience, value yourself and your needs. Hookup in a way that is fun and pleasurable for you. Don’t let others’ expectations get in the way!