Ok, That Definitely Wasn’t Cupid: A Digital Not-So Love Story

Baby, Just Say “U Up?”

by CHLOE HECHTER ★ JULY 21, 2020

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“You’re a week away from being in college. College students use Tinder all the time!” read a tragically truthful text from my best friend, sent last August to a naive hopeless romantic only dreaming of achieving that perfect college love story. Dating apps such as Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and OkCupid have become an integral part of modern hook up culture, yet I was hesitant to being dumbed down to my first name and my best nine photos—how much can you really know about a person based on a picture of them from their 2015 trip to Cancun with the cousins? Of course, I succumbed to peer pressure and downloaded *the apps* eventually, but only to ironically match with people I know (and, okay, fatally attempt to find and reunite with my high school crush) because I couldn’t bring myself to engage with someone I hadn’t so much as seen before. 

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So is there something impersonal about the foundation of a “relationship” being digital? Should I shut up about soulmates and start swiping? All I can say is that I’m thankful that Sex and the City came out before Carrie Bradshaw “couldn’t help but wonder” about Bumble.

OkCupid, a New York based dating site with a way-too-accurate Twitter account about the modern struggles of the not-so-romantic, recently released an ad campaign touching on the culture of digitally dating. “Dating has changed, and that’s okay,” the ad begins, and with the addition of a cute, artsy graphic, they go on to say that “it’s okay if you can’t imagine being apart, even if you’ve never been together.” When I first saw this ad, the part of me that cries at rom-coms and fantasizes about being carried off into the sunset by a *handsome prince* was genuinely horrified. Quite honestly, I didn’t understand how people could feel so strongly connected to someone they’d never met—like, you mean people use dating apps for something other than attention? But OkCupid is right; dating has changed, whether we like it or not.

Millennials and Gen Z-ers are quick to define relationships with a nonchalant, “oh, we’re talking,” which typically means they’re doing anything but--whether it’s Snapchatting, DMing, or exchanging messages on one of the many existing dating apps, what constitutes “conversation” isn’t necessarily vocal. You can learn a lot about a person’s life just from looking at their iPhone, the only accessory that seemingly never goes out of style—music, written documents, and even bank statements have gone digital. The convenience of dating apps is an attractive feature for the generation with the shortest attention span—(it’s like Seamless, but for hooking up!)—likely another reason for their increasing popularity. Added bonus (or curse): most of them are FREE!

Some of the best couples I know have met on dating apps—they cover such a wide range of audiences that you never know what you’re going to find. While oftentimes people are only on there for *one thing,* a friend of mine met her wonderful boyfriend on Tinder, and another friend used it as a stepping stone to reconnect with someone who had been right there all along (ugh, *swoon*). We tend to hear all sorts of stories—a personal favorite of mine was a friend who matched with someone who attended his bar mitzvah—but hearing a particular success story of a relationship that never felt forced or impersonal began to restore my faith in this modern dating phenomenon. That being said, as the self-proclaimed female version of Ted Mosby, I still was not convinced that I’d meet *the one* during something called “Swipe Surge,” so I did a little more research. 

Credit: Tenor

Nowadays, one in three couples meet online, and given the fact that in-person social interaction is temporarily on hold, that number will likely continue to increase. Am I guilty of uttering the words “our relationship was just too deep for Snapchat?” I might be. I might also need to get a grip on reality and stop thinking that I’ll see someone across a crowded room, because, well, who knows the next time I’ll even be in a crowded room? My mantra was always “I’m not a dating apps person, I’m a soulmates person!!” but I ~can’t help but wonder…~ (thanks Carrie!) ...do I need to just get with the program? BRB, downloading J-Date.

Cover photo credit: Pinterest