Preparing for the Dreaded Long-Distance Relationship

design: Gianna Castagliuolo

What to know before you go.

by cami apperson ★ july 28, 2024

“Never leave for college in a relationship,” a saying that has been repeated to us over and over again. But what if your relationship is too meaningful to let go of so easily?  For some people, breaking up before college is the right decision or a condition decided at the beginning of the relationship. But for many others, including myself, it just isn’t the right path. Staying in a committed relationship while being long-distance sounds like a difficult task, but with the right preparation, it won’t seem so bad. 

Be Understanding

The most important thing to remember is to be understanding and have realistic expectations for your partner. Before you go away, you may think you can visit super often, but this just isn’t going to happen. Whether you’re a plane ride or a 2-hour drive apart, you can’t expect to see them every weekend. For example, if you are going away to college and your partner is staying at home, all of the pressure is on them to visit you. You need to remember that they are going to have their own lives at home. If you want them to drive up to see you one weekend but they have different plans, you shouldn’t dwell on that. 

Don’t Be Inseparable 

The summer break before a long distance relationship is always great because you can spend as much time as you want with your partner. You may think it makes sense to spend every second you can with them before you leave, but when you finally do leave, it’ll be so much harder to get used to. As odd as it sounds, spending time apart before leaving makes the actual act easier. You will already be used to distance and you can see if your relationship can stand the time apart. Now this doesn’t mean spending weeks without seeing one another, but spending every second of every day together definitely will make for a tough goodbye. 

Set Boundaries 

Not setting boundaries before moving away from your partner is just a recipe for disaster. The amount of arguments and fights that can be avoided by doing this is endless. Before you leave, you must tell each other what you are and aren’t comfortable with. Obviously, it shouldn’t be anything crazy like, “You can’t be in the same room as a girl,” but something along the lines of, “I would be more comfortable if you didn’t spend time in your dorm alone with another girl,” would do.  By setting these boundaries, you can also tell if you are on the same page depending on their reactions to your boundaries and what theirs are. 

“Never leave for college in a relationship” isn’t a one-size-fits-all directive. While some couples might find it best to part ways before moving away to college, others may find that their bond is strong enough to stand through the challenges of long-distance love. By being understanding, not becoming inseparable, and setting clear boundaries, you can navigate this period with ease.