When to Call it Quits
design: Tess Cosgrave
Signs of Toxicity in Relationships.
by McKenna McCormick ★ SEPTEMBER 30, 2024
Let’s be real- relationships can be tough. But when you're constantly second-guessing whether your partner is toxic or not, it's time to pause and reflect. We have all heard about “red flags”, but spotting them can be difficult. It’s time to break down some of the key signs of toxicity in relationships, why it’s so difficult to leave, and how to know when it’s time to walk away. Whether you're questioning your relationship or supporting a friend, you've come to the right place.
1. Recognizing Red Flags
The term "red flag" gets tossed around a lot, but let's chat about what it actually means. In simple terms, it's any behavior that makes you feel uneasy or raises concern that something isn't quite right. Some red flags are super obvious, like constant criticism, possessiveness, or verbal abuse. Others can be more subtle, like brushing off your feelings or making you feel guilty for hanging out with your friends (yikes).
Here are a few examples of red flags to watch for:
Emotional Manipulation: If someone is using guilt or gaslighting to make you doubt yourself or your feelings, that’s a major red flag. This type of behavior is toxic.
Constant Control: Do they try to control what you do, how you look, or who you hang out with? That’s a sign you need to step back. A healthy relationship should allow for space, independence, and personal freedom.
Lack of Respect: Respect is the base of any solid relationship. If they’re putting you down, dismissing your wins, or making you feel small, things definitely aren't right.
Jealousy and Possessiveness: A little jealousy is normal, but if they’re constantly accusing you of flirting or cheating with no real reason, it’s more about their insecurity and need for control.
Remember, these red flags aren't just for romantic relationships—they can show up in friendships and other connections too. Keep an eye out for them!
2. The Impact of Unhealthy Attachment
Toxic relationships don’t just take a toll on your day to day, but they can deeply affect your mental health too. Staying in a relationship where you feel constantly anxious, sad, or stressed can lead to burnout, depression, and even physical health issues. It’s easy to convince yourself that things will get better and that the bad moments are just temporary, but the longer you stay in a toxic dynamic, the more damage it can do. Unhealthy attachment can make it hard to walk away. Sometimes, the fear of being alone or believing that you don’t deserve better can keep you stuck in an unhealthy space. But you do deserve better. If you’re bending over backwards to keep the peace or constantly worrying about making your partner happy, it’s time to reevaluate if this relationship is serving you, or draining you.
3. Why It’s So Hard to Leave
We get it- leaving isn’t easy. Emotions are complex. Love, history, and fear of the unknown can all make it difficult to call it quits. You might be holding onto the hope that things will change, or maybe you worry about the judgment of others if the relationship ends.
Here’s the truth: staying in a toxic relationship often feels safer than facing the uncertainty of leaving, but it’s a false sense of security. It’s okay to feel scared or sad, but know that you deserve a partner who uplifts you, not someone who drags you down. A relationship should be a source of support, not stress.
4. When Is It Time to Let Go?
Figuring out whether or not to leave is the hardest part, but here are some questions to ask yourself:
Do I feel emotionally safe and supported in this relationship?
Does my partner bring out the best in me, or do they make me feel worse about myself?
Am I constantly making excuses for their behavior?
Do I feel heard and respected, or do I feel like my feelings don’t matter?
Do I feel embarrassed by my partner?
If the answers to these questions leave you with more doubt than reassurance, it’s time to seriously consider whether this relationship is worth holding onto. Walking away might be painful, but staying in a toxic relationship is worse.
5. How to Support a Friend in a Toxic Relationship
Maybe you're not the one in a toxic relationship, but a friend is. Watching someone you care about go through this can feel helpless, but your support can make all the difference. A few ways you can help:
Listen Without Judgment: Your friend may not be ready to leave, and that’s okay. Be there for them, offer a safe space to talk, and avoid pressuring them.
Provide Resources: Encourage them to seek professional help or read up on healthy relationship dynamics. Sometimes, getting a reality check from a stranger can help clarify things.
Be Patient: Leaving a toxic relationship takes time and emotional energy. It’s a process, and your friend may need your support before, during, and after the breakup.
At the end of the day, you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel safe, valued, and loved for who you are. Toxicity doesn’t always look like abuse. Sometimes it’s subtle, but the damage is real. Trust your gut! If something feels off, it probably is. Letting go of a toxic relationship isn’t a sign of failure, it’s a sign of strength. Know your worth, and never settle for less than you deserve. You’ve got this.