Let it Out, or Let it Go?

How to know when it's time to speak up for yourself.

BY Ava Ascenzo ★ July 13th, 2025

Design: Ryann Toussaint

Let’s face it: We’ve all had those  “I shouldn’t have said that” moments. Thinking before speaking isn't always easy, especially in the heat of an argument. But sometimes, standing your ground is needed. 

As girls, we know all too well that different situations require their own respective responses. Sometimes you speak up, and sometimes, you walk away. The hard part? Knowing which is which. 

What's the best way to get a point across without creating another issue? There isn't really one right way to speak up for yourself; however, there are ways to help guide you through these sticky situations. 

Set Boundaries

If someone crosses the line, then you have every right to speak up. It’s not rude; it's admirable. Knowing your boundaries is step one to shedding your past as a chronic people-pleaser. Once you understand your comfort zone, it's easier to determine when it's time to stand up for yourself. 

Do you really need to pick a fight over where to go out tonight? No, probably not. But if your friend always has to decide the plans and doesn’t consider you, then it might be time to say something.

Or, if your boyfriend’s bugging you, it’s not worth getting angry over a single ick. If you need some “me” time, then say so.

There’s nothing wrong with speaking up about being uncomfortable. Setting clear limits for yourself can help you avoid situations that you definitely don't like.

Be Assertive

There's a fine line between being aggressive and passive: the sweet spot is assertiveness. Just because you have to say something doesn’t give you the right to worsen the problem. Nobody wants lingering drama, especially over the summer.

That’s why being assertive is the right route; you’re voicing your concerns clearly while acknowledging the other person’s feelings.

We simply can't yell all the time, and we can't people-please either. I've been screamed at and walked all over, and let me tell you, both situations sucked. Assertive communication avoids those scenarios without ruining your reputation, because no one wants to be known as “rude” or “spineless.”

Change Your Mindset

It’s time to reflect and think about you. Do you lean toward people-pleasing or confrontation? Whatever your mode, don't get too comfortable! Once you become accustomed to being too nice or too mean, the lines between passive aggressive and assertive behavior start to blur. 

Changing your communication mindset helps you reflect on what you want out of a situation or relationship. Most of the time, honesty is the best policy. Hurling insults might feel justified, but it usually isn’t. Take a breath and reset your mindset – clarify if your communication methods are really the best way to get your thoughts across.  

Avoid Insults

Although it can be so tempting to match someone’s energy in the heat of an argument, we simply can't. Throwing shade just because the other person did doesn’t help anybody. There are a few exceptions to this general rule, but once things get disrespectful, both sides get hurt. Insults turn people off from you immediately — and harm any potential agreement. 

Kill them with kindness! It goes a lot further.

Do we let it out, or let it go? Speaking up is hard, especially with all the “what-ifs.” But, if something just doesn’t feel right in a friendship or relationship, pause, refocus your thoughts — and most importantly, say something! 

It’s not mean to speak up for yourself: it’s the right thing to do.