How to Cope with the 20 Scaries
Because it really isn’t that bad.
by JAMIE SOROPOULOS ★ APRIL 10, 2023
There is really nothing quite like the terror you feel the week before your 20th birthday. Believe me, I would know. My birthday is seven days away. And I thought turning 18 was bad.
The thing is, I have wanted to be older than I was for as long as I can remember. When I was in kindergarten, I would run away from my mom in Target and reappear in the shoe section. When she found me, I would be wearing the highest, most outlandish stilettos you could find. About six sizes too big, and a sparkly red that was way too sexy for a five year old, I dreamt of the days where I would be able to own a pair of these for myself.
Now, my closet is full of them. Despite me being 5 '10, my love for an impractical heel has never faded. That’s the funny thing about growing up: those little dreams become reality, and our new dreams start to haunt us.
Despite the fact that we rarely fixate on it the other 364 days of the year, our birthdays tend to be the day where we are the most aware of all the things we have never done, have yet to accomplish, and have failed to say. On this week leading up to my birthday, an endless list of never have I evers runs through my mind. The contents of that list include: that one boy I never had the courage to kiss, the beautiful beach in Greece I never got to sit on, the Taylor Swift concert I have yet to attend, the feelings I was too stubborn to confess.
Turning 20 is a landmark; one that frightens even the strongest of us. But I am here to help you cope with the inevitable terror that will rise upon you in the wake of your 20th birthday.
Rather than thinking of all the things you haven’t done, turn that list into a set of goals that you are going to accomplish in this new decade. That boy you didn’t kiss? Kiss him. That country you didn’t visit? Add it to the bucket list. To fear the things we have yet to accomplish is to fear the possibility of new dreams. Don’t let old wishes die at the dawn of a new decade. Bring them along for the ride.
Start journaling. I know you’ve heard it a million times. So here is a million and one. Write things down. It makes life feel more permanent. I had never owned a journal in my life until this year, and let me tell you, it is worth all of the hype. I’m not saying you have to transcribe every day of your life. Instead, try finding a list of journal prompts on pinterest to inspire you. Day one: What do I need more of in my life? Day two: If I was living my dream life, what would it look like? Use this journal to further the changes you want to make.
Remember: This is the youngest you will ever be again. Instead of agreeing with everyone who tells you that “you’re so old” when you tell them you’re about to be 20, remind yourself that your brain isn’t even fully developed yet. Live everyday like it is your prime. Live them to the fullest. Leave no room for regret.
Coming back to this article at 12:42am on the day of my birth, I find myself filled with a feeling of ease. Trust me, it isn’t that scary. Life just isn’t that serious! Is there a lot I haven’t done? Sure. But heading into my twenties, I know they are all dreams I will be able to conquer. I am leaving the insecurity of my teen years behind me, and heading into this new decade knowing that as long as I dream it, it can be accomplished.