Entering Your Villain Era
Understanding the fine line.
by NORA REMBOLD ★ NOVEMBER 8, 2022
Do you remember that pit that starts forming in your stomach when you hear that one of your "friends" went behind your back and did something horrible? Unfortunately, most of us do and let’s be honest, we've all been there. However, we each handle this situation differently. Some of us get angry, confront the friend, move on and let it go. Some of us smile and sigh. We accept the half-assed apology, if there even is one, and tell that friend, "It's totally okay, it happens," even though it doesn't just happen.
I have been guilty of taking the second route for most of my life. I never speak my mind or express how people have let me down. To always "keep the peace," I let my issues go. Honestly, sometimes I even apologize to that friend for no reason. Unfortunately, taking this route meant that I never truly was able to let it go; rather, I was left crying alone in my room, feeling betrayed and sad.
If you're anything like me, confrontation makes you physically sick, and making other people upset makes you physically sick. Hell, even saying no to something you don't want to do makes you physically sick. However, the question very quickly becomes, how long can you go worrying so much about hurting people until you eventually start hurting yourself?
A difficult lesson is that in order for you to be fully happy, putting yourself first has to be a priority. My instinct has always been to think about how other people feel rather than focusing on myself. Many people see this as a good thing, but it’s definitely a quality that can come back to bite. Constantly worrying about others' feelings has never allowed me to really say what I want, or need. My silence never meant the actions of others didn't affect me, though.
With never saying how you really feel, all you are doing is building up a wall of resentment against your so-called friend. A true friendship will always encounter a little fight or two along the way, and the only way your relationship can grow is for your friend to understand how you truly feel. With true friends, you both will forgive each other, move on, and be better because of it.
I want to stress that sometimes the villain era will not work. Sometimes, you will finally build up the courage to express yourself, and the response from the person leaves you feeling even worse. Their smiles and insincere apology speak volumes about how much they care. But everyone comes into your life for a reason. Some people will use you, manipulate you, and walk all over you, but with each person comes a lesson.
You will never find any answers in someone who cannot comprehend your worth, and sometimes going through the villain era won't leave you with a better friendship but one less person to your inner circle. The reality is that sometimes the person was truly not meant to be your friend, which is okay.
If you think about it, entering your villain era is essential to growing up. It's not about being petty, angry, or a straight-up bitch. It's more about learning how to speak your mind and learning that with a true friendship comes the comfort of being able to talk to each other when something is wrong. That is how you both grow.
This is not just about your relationship with other people. It is also about yourself. It's about caring for yourself enough that you won't let people walk all over you. Entering your villain era is realizing you are worth more than the half-assed apology they give while running into you on the quad. It's about figuring out who you want to have by your side at the end of the day.
Cover Photo Credit: Pinterest