How to Stop Feeling like the “D.U.F.F.” of Your Friend Group
Don’t worry, we all know the feeling.
by ASHLEY GOLDBERG ★ NOVEMBER 18, 2022
We’ve all grown up hearing the phrase "be yourself"—a phrase that basically gaslights us into believing that we are, as our truest selves, enough. Being yourself is way easier said than done, especially when we’re constantly surrounded by Instagram models, superiority complexes, Olaplex ambassadors, and plenty of other images that cause us to question if the reflection we see in the mirror is worthy—especially in our own friend group.
Perhaps when growing up, you were never the one people noticed. Nothing about you stood out (especially to men). Your skin was far from perfect, your eyes barely captivating, and the worst part, boys were only willing to talk to you if the conversation was about your pretty friends. Just when you thought it was your time to shine and a boy noticed you lurking from the shadows, they were only talking to you to see if they had a chance with one of those “prettier” friends.
Familiar with the movie "The DUFF?" It was practically written about you.
After experiencing the same cycle of being constantly overlooked by boys who probably aren't worth your time anyway, it didn't take long to realize that you will rarely be noticed for your appearance. Rather than sulking and putting your friends on a pedestal, you found the perfect recipe for compensating for your invisibility and accepting your role as the honorary DUFF.
So, here are some beginner steps to take for embracing your inner DUFF.
Credit: The New York Times
1. Become an expert at something
If college has taught me anything, it is that developing a hobby or excelling academically is a much more impressive resume builder than one's appearance, and chances are, will take you further in life. By finding the things you are passionate about, whether that be the arts, sports, or even something completely niche and different, you will be able to unlock your true potential and appreciate the person you are, regardless of your looks.
2. Look for self-love before real love
Yes, it is cliche. However, since you are used to boys overlooking you, you never exactly felt the need to be validated by them and knew that, at the end of the day, falling in love with yourself was probably way more exciting anyway. Although things like the occasional compliment and soft smile were welcomed, they were never the end-all-be-all when it came to making you feel good about yourself. While other women were chasing after boys and craving their validation or constantly watching their snap score increase from one million to one million and 1, you could focus on the more important things in life, like self-love. Embracing those quirks and appreciating all aspects of who you are is way more fun than waiting by the phone for a boy to call.
3. Trust the people who like you, for you
Before looking for the people who compliment, or don't compliment, your looks, aim to find the people who recognize you for the more important things in your life. The people who celebrate your successes, those who laugh at your jokes (if you consider yourself to be the "funny" friend), and those who seek no other title or benefit from you other than good company and an amazing friendship or relationship. Let people see you and try not to get too caught up in the superficial things, even though it's tempting, especially when the spotlight is finally on you for a change.
Whether you consider yourself to be the DUFF or your friend group or not, that does not mean that all of us have to live through it. Labels can be superficial, and at the end of the day, all that matters is how you feel about yourself and the good you have accomplished. Whether you feel like a hopeless romantic as a result of comparing yourself to those around you or you are happily in love, to put it into perspective, the only opinion that matters is your own.
Cover Photo Credit: The Guardian