The Do's & Don'ts of Love Languages
The ultimate guide to discovering your love language, in case anyone asks :)
by TALIE DAETWILER ★ OCTOBER 6, 2021
POV: you’re sitting around with your best friends having a late-night conversation about what love languages are. No one knows what attracts them the most, so you decide to do some digging on the ~internet. Love languages are ways that you show your best friends, significant other, family, or any other person love. It may be obvious what yours is, but honestly, I didn’t even know what mine was until a couple of minutes ago. Don’t worry, if you don’t know, you’ve come to the right place.
There are five different universal love languages: words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service, and receiving gifts. A simple way to see what your love language is: when your best friend is upset, what do you do? Do you intently listen to them while they are ranting? Do you take them out to go get ice cream? Do you have ice cream already on hand to give? Do you reassure them that they are okay and are loved? Do you give them a hug? There are many variations, and you can either have just one or a mix of both. Now, let’s get into the different types of love languages and things to do/not do with each one.
#1: PHYSICAL TOUCH
Having physical touch as your love language means that you looooove physical touch rather than receiving compliments or gifts. It doesn’t necessarily mean that hooking up makes you feel loved; you can also just be cuddling or sitting side-by-side to feel loved. HUGE note: body language is important. If your significant other is expressing that they don’t want physical love, DON’T. To be honest, the physical touch doesn’t have to be with your significant other. Cuddle your pets, do self-care or a skincare routine, give someone a massage or hold their hand. Pretty much anything involving some ~contact~ makes you feel good, whether it's with yourself or someone else.
Credit: Pinterest
#2: QUALITY TIME
Personally, this is definitely my love language (and obvious favorite). You love one-on-one time and having deep and focused conversations with others. It basically means that you give someone your undivided attention and are present in the conversation when you’re together. It’s not limited to just having conversations, you could also go for a walk together, cook a meal, or even go for a drive. Now, if this is the love language of the person you love, you definitely shouldn’t be on your phone, get distracted during this quality time, or postpone dates. This will drive your significant other away and in time, possibly cause a rift in the relationship.
Credit: Pinterest
#3: WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
Words of affirmation basically mean showing your love by complimenting others and making them feel heard. This can be done by showering someone with compliments, explaining your feelings towards them, hyping them up to your friends, or even texting them out of the blue. This cannot only reassure your love towards that person but can also remind your significant other that you love them as well. What you shouldn’t do? Criticize them, yell at them rudely when you are angry, or talk poorly about them behind their back. This could definitely make or break your relationship, especially if things go too far.
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#4: RECEIVING GIFTS
This love language is obviously pretty straightforward. It means that you love to receive meaningful gifts, no matter how big or small they are. One of the more common examples of this is when someone remembers what you asked for or wanted and ends up getting it for you at some point in time. Or when a friend knows your coffee order and gets it for you when you need it the most. You can also surprise your significant other with something meaningful, like a jar filled with memories, a souvenir from your vacation, or even a handwritten note. Try not to be materialistic and complain about how expensive something is or forget big occasions like a birthday or an anniversary. You should always put some sort of meaning into your gifts, no matter how small, large, or expensive they may be.
Credit: weddingwire.com
#5: ACTS OF SERVICE
Having acts of service as your love language means that you love showing someone that you love them rather than telling them. The key here? Be spontaneous! Do things you don’t normally do: plan date nights, help others with small things, cook for someone, or even offer to be the “driver” of the friend group for a night. The downfall of acts of service can be ignoring people when they ask for help or going back on a promise after swearing to keep it. Not only could this destroy one's trust, but also destroy the relationship you’ve built.
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Knowing what your own love language is can help you realize how you show your love to others around you, whether that’s to your boyfriend, best friend, or even your mom. Now, you can finally understand why your people show their love in different ways and how you can act around them. Now you can go talk to your friends about it and share with them what your love language is!
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