Bachelor in Paradise Ep. 2&3 Recap

2 Episodes in 1 week? Yes, please.

by LAYLA HARRISON ★ AUGUST 30, 2021

When last we left our heroes, Demi was arriving at the beach. David Spade greets her and asks, “Are you headed toward the P or the V this week?” Demi, who got engaged to a woman last season, replies, “I’m planning to date some dudes.” Aaand cue attack from Bi Twitter. Demi heads down to the beach with a date card. She pulls Brenden because she thinks he’s hot, and don’t get me wrong, he REALLY is, but Demi was so forward it was almost...off-putting. During their convo, she makes so many comments like, “I thought you were shy. You spoke so much to me. And you’re so fucking sexy.” There’s MAD sexual chem and he kisses her on the cheek when they hug after the convo. Whenever a guy kisses me on the cheek for a goodbye hug I KNOW what that means. Obvi, mans gets the date. On their walk to the date, Breden goes,  “You want a lil piggyback action?” Can I have this man? Or Greg. Or Joe. I’m not picky. 

On the date, they kiss, and RIGHT AFTER Brenden says that he wants to keep his options open and date other people. THEN, to rub salt in the wound, he says, “Let’s see if our paths cross again along this journey.” Demi. Looses. It. She starts ranting about how she’s the “best he’ll find on this beach” and how “this has never happened to me before, except with Colton but he was gay.” SAVAGE. She says, “My ego is very bruised right now.” Girl, I hate to say it, but you could probably use some of that. 

Back at the beach, Victoria P is trying to “get to know” James. But like not really. Basically, this bitch cannot remember his name for the life of her. She keeps calling him Jordan. Her excuse for not being into him is a friend told her “if you get the chills you know you’re at the right place with the right person at the right time” or some garbage like that, and she didn’t get chills around James. Tammy calls BS right away. She informs James that Victoria P actually has an aspiring country singer boyfriend at home and she’s on the show to get clout. OK WTF. She lays out the game plan: get a rose, break James’ heart, the camera follows her back to Nashville, and she gets her country singer bf on tv too. 

James confronts Victoria, who fully denies having a boyfriend. She gets super defensive and tells James, who’s being so kind especially given the situation, to “Calm down.” Victoria realizes she’s not getting a rose and sends herself home before her inevitable elimination. After denying being cuffed, Victoria gets in the van to leave and goes, “I don’t have to search for what I already have at home.” BRUH WHAT. Victoria’s famous last words? “I hope that James’ perception of me is still good.” Girl bye. We all have a fear of perception. Go home and f*ck Jed Wyatt. 

Jessenia gets the next date card, and obviously picks Ivan. Ivan’s stoked and says, “I feel like we’ve been manifesting it…I wanna make sure she’s smiling from ear to ear.” SWOON. Get you a man who manifests. Ivan toasts to a “second chance at love for us both.” Over dinner, they chat about how women of the Bachelor franchise get more hate than the men. Ivan didn’t receive many racist/nasty messages after the show, whereas the women get a bunch. He raises awareness for the mental health and treatment of women on the show. Ivan has prompted several important conversations on the show, and Bach Nation loves him for it. 

Demi returns to the beach WITHOUT BRENDEN. She proceeds to draggggg him like, “I feel like I got cheated out of a date and that pissed me off.” The girls match her energy, informing her that he had a relationship with Pieper (Matt’s season) before paradise. It was on gossip sites and they ended things but everyone’s losing their heads about it. THEN. Demi goes, “He wants to have his cake and eat it too.” BRUH. DEMI OF ALL PEOPLE?! Remember that time she came to paradise with a girlfriend at home, led Derek on for weeks, then dropped Derek like a hot potato and got engaged to said girlfriend IN PARADISE?! Talk about throwing stones from a glasshouse. 

Demi grabs Brenden the second he gets back to the beach. Brenden says that he and Pieper just “hung out and enjoyed each other's company.” Demi LAUGHS AT HIM and tells him not to waste her time. Hypocrisy at its finest, folks. 

Brenden goes and talks to Natasha, who he’s been hitting it off with. She asks what he would do if Pieper showed up. He says that he wants to get to know everyone he’s into more, but that it was casual with Pieper. He reassures Natasha that he’s had the deepest conversations and strongest connection with her. 

Serena C hasn’t made a connection in paradise. So, for that very reason, she’s possessed to go chat it up with Aaron. She starts off strong saying, “Can I sit on your… Lap?” It was hot. I’m gonna use that line hehe. Anyway, then my girl starts beatboxing so I’m thinking it’s a lost cause. They do makeout, but then Tammy, who Aaron’s been vibing with, comes over to chat with him. She straddles him and they makeout. She asks if he wants to walk back from the daybed and Aaron says he’s “pretty excited” and “can’t get up.” That would make me feel so good. Like if a girl just sat on my man’s lap and he kissed her and didn’t get a boner but then I came over and he did. Love that for her. Power. 

Before the rose ceremony, Demi decides to go for James to secure a rose. And that she does. Victoria tries to shoot her shot with Brenden saying, “I did have interest in you. Because you’re so hot.” Silly goose vibes. Goddess Victoria, Serena C, and Kelsey go home. 

EPISODE 3

A boombox arrives on the beach. The cast plays it and “It’s gonna be me” by NSYNC starts blasting. Lance Bass arrives and announces he’s the new guest host. I have no idea who this man is but Aaron is starstruck. When Aaron finally stops praising Bass, he returns to his regularly scheduled trash talk, which is far more on-brand for him. The guys all agree that they’d hate to see Thomas because he’s “all about clout” and exhibits “snake behavior.” Cue Thomas’s footsteps down the paradise steps. James says, “I can’t deal with that right now.” James, my friend, something tells me you’re gonna have to deal with that. Right now. 

Thomas reaches the beach, date card in hand, and chats to a bunch of the women. He takes them to the daybed, bangs his head on the top, and tells the women they need to make sure he doesn’t forget to duck, an OBVIOUS ploy to bring up the fact that he’s 6’6. 

Thomas takes Serena P on the date. Thomas asks her what she wants on the last day of paradise. Serena wiggles her ring finger. Thomas marvels at how small her hands are, trying to emphasize how big he is. Ugh. Back at the beach, Joe insists he knew Thomas was going to take Serena and says he “could probably lose her today.” Tazquan worries, “If Serena and Thomas really hit it off it might be too much for Joe to handle.” Joe agrees, indicating he’ll go home if that’s the case. 

Meanwhile, on the date, Thomas is lifting Serena out of the water as they make out. He carries her up the beach mid-kiss. Serena says, “Thomas takes off his shirt and damn.” Serena and Thomas have an absurd height difference. She’s 5’0 or something. But they look so good together sitting on the beach. Hot kids. This isn’t looking too great for my man Joe… Thomas proceeds to describe himself as “Sort of this big teddy bear who wants to make everybody happy.” I kinda feel bad for the dude? 

Cut to.. Karl shadow boxing on the beach? The paradise crew watches as Karl does kick spins and chops the air, ending his little workout with a bow. One good thing we got from Karl was a comment about how “trippy” it must be for Joe to be in the place where he met Kendall. 

Serena and Thomas return as Joe is curled up on the couch in his whack little ankle socks. Serena pulls Joe and tells him that she told Thomas to pursue other people. Joe is OVERJOYED. He jokes that he saw that coming and wasn’t worried at all. 

Our next new arrival is Rylee (Tayshia’s season). Immediately Tammy says what we’re all thinking. “His arms have their own zip code.” Tazquan is immediately interested. Like freaking out. She has no clue how to act. And of course, she’s sweating BUCKETS. When Rylee finally pulls her for a chat, she’s stuttering. It's a mess. She tells him, “You’re the only person I wanted to meet down here.” Noah says, “I think if Tazquan goes on this date, she falls in love.” Rylee asks Maurissa on the date. Connor is bummed, but Tazquan is wrecked. 

Maurissa wears a plunging tie-front leopard print bra top. Connor doesn’t seem as worried as he should be. Everyone knows she’s gone. Maurissa and Rylee arrive at a super fancy restaurant, only to discover they won’t be having a deluxe meal. Instead, Lance Bass arrives and runs an off-brand “Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts.” Maurissa and Rylee are answering the questions until Bass asks their body counts. Neither of them wants to share, so they eat TONGUE. They seem to vibe despite the circumstances. At the end of the date they make out and decide to SPEND THE NIGHT TOGETHER. IN THE BOOM BOOM ROOM. Poor Connor. Unlike Cat-Man-Connor, Tazquan can take a hint. She and Trey kiss and make up. 

Back on the beach, Thomas goes over to the guys from Katie’s season. He apologizes for rubbing them the wrong way and promises he’s here for the right reasons. The guys accept the apology. Trey is really understanding and even approaches Thomas later to make sure they’re all good. MEANWHILE, Serena tells Tazquan the thing that made her uneasy about Thomas was the way he spoke about Trey. He said that Trey wasn’t “emotionally strong” and thought of him like a little brother. This gets back to Trey and he’s HEATED. He’s so pissed he gave Thomas a second chance and proceeds to double back and tell him off on the beach. 

We end the episode with Natasha ending things with Brenden because “something’s not clicking.” They have a breakup chat on the daybeds and the vibes are aggressive. Natasha ends the convo saying, “You should probably go to bed. I’m gonna stay here for a little bit.” OMG like ok. She proceeds to tell the camera, “He’s definitely not getting a rose this week.” 

And that’s that! The end of episode preview shows the cast finding out that Maurissa and Rylee spent the night together… Monday can’t come soon enough.