College and Confidence
What does it mean to be a ~University Girl?~
by CHLOE HECHTER ★ JULY 30, 2021
If you’re in or entering college, you’re probably feeling a range of emotions similar to those experienced when listening to that one playlist on Spotify that’s just all of Folklore and then all of SOUR. In other words, you’re feeling ~a lot of things.~ Everything you thought you knew and the person you thought you were may seem like something of the past, and now you’re eagerly and anxiously waiting for the next chapter—the unknown that lies ahead. Whether you’re unsure about what you want to do with your life, you’re between friend groups, or you’re staring at a pitiful “delivered, 23 hours ago” icon, just remember that it’s all a part of the ~process,~ and you have to ~trust it.~ Below, you’ll find some super ~real~ advice for not only incoming freshmen but for every ~University Girl.~ See what I did there?
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These are the years where it’s okay to f*ck up. They’re the best years of our lives because we’re young enough to forego responsibility just a little bit, but old enough not to worry about a curfew or what Mom has to say. This is the time to figure out who you really are, who your friends really are, and who you want to spend your life becoming. It’s a time to know that it’s okay if you don’t know that yet. It’s okay to eff up and start over!! Everybody deserves a clean slate from time to time. Don’t beat yourself up over every silly little mistake—we all make them.
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You will find your people, even if it takes time. In your late teens and early 20’s, it’s so easy to get lost in expectations based on the ~hype~ around college and what we see on social media. It might feel like everybody has a crazy, hot, solid group of friends, but as I’m sure you’ve heard enough, social media is a total façade. Not finding your friends right away can be scary and isolating, but don’t settle for anything less than the people who truly lift you up and love you unconditionally. Remember that high school friends are bound circumstantially, but once you leave a world where you’re in a forced friendship with your chemistry partner, you’ll form deep, meaningful relationships with the people who are watching you turn into the person you’re ~becoming~. And they’ll be there every step of the way.
Of course, the search for “your people” goes beyond just friends. We all worry about getting into relationships or finding people to hook up with right away, but it happens for everyone on their own time. I only wish someone had told me that the first person you kiss in college is probably not the love of your life, but I was naïve so that maybe you don’t have to be. Don’t stress if you haven’t found a boyfriend or girlfriend yet, because much to our disappointment, you can’t will someone to be your perfect partner. It might be hard to let yourself go at first, but use this time to explore and figure out who you are outside of someone else. (I wish I could take my own advice, BTW). That will come eventually. In the meantime, your friends will be right there figuring themselves out too.
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These are the experiences that make you who you are. While we’re young, we need to live in the moment and remember that as painful and messy as it is to cry in the parking lot of a party, throw up in a sink, or just want your Mommy (all of which have happened to me in the last, hmm, three months?), these are the stories you’ll go onto tell. From your worst moment may come a great story, a new friend, or a serious period of self-discovery. Everybody is on a unique journey, and every experience you have comes with a valuable lesson.
Lesson example: if a frat boy asks you to go “get ice cream,” you probably won’t return with a scoop of mint chocolate chip with rainbow sprinkles.
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People are attracted to confidence, but confidence can be really complicated. Ultimately, confidence does not come from the approval of others, but from within yourself. Confidence comes when you begin to let go of what other people think and just start doing what makes you feel good. Join that club you’re interested in, even if none of your friends are doing it. You never know who you’re going to meet. Wear what makes you feel good—you don’t always have to follow trends. More often than not, “trends” are a black crop top and jeans, just saying. While confidence isn’t something that can be taught, if you treat yourself right, it can be obtained.
Most importantly, remember to take care of yourself. Stay in for a night if you have to, nourish your body, and overall, prioritize your well-being. A major part of being confident is feeling healthy, both physically and mentally. In college, unhealthy habits are way too normalized, but how confident can you really feel if you’ve only slept three hours and you’re barely surviving on half of a granola bar and a vending machine Gatorade? When you start to treat yourself with the respect you deserve—the same respect you give others and expect from others—confidence will fall into place and come (at least a little bit) more naturally.
Every time I’m feeling heartbroken, hell-bent, or hungover, I remind myself that that’s exactly how I’m supposed to feel at this age. They’re called growing pains for a reason--we’re growing up, and it can be pretty f*cking painful. But if you allow yourself to take advantage of everything these years have to offer, they will be the best years of your life—identity crises and all.